A Faith Calling

I'm being stalked by some Jehovah's Witnesses.

It all started one Tuesday afternoon. We were about to run out to do something or other when the doorbell rang. Since we were in a hurry, I promised to keep it quick.

There they were... Two elderly women who had walked up and down our block, toting pamphlets, books, and various articles of conversion. If was a hot afternoon and they seemed friendly enough, so I wanted to be nice.

Having been brought up to treat others with respect, I politely informed them that we were about to leave the house. They shared a quick bible passage with me and we were all on our way- they to our next door neighbors, the Baptists, and us to where ever.

I thought that was the end of it. I was wrong.

Now, they've started coming specifically to MY house. They park in front of our mailbox, make their way to our front door, and ask for me BY NAME... If I'm not home, they leave more pamphlets with my husband. Then, they get back in their car and leave. They do not stop to covert others in the neighborhood. They do not pass Go. They do not collect $200. It's my soul or nothing!

I, on the other hand, will not answer my door during the day unless I am expecting someone. Even then, I get a little suspicious if they arrive early. Being home with a child, it's just a wise safety precaution... even if they are harmless Jehovah's Witnesses.

Although we live in a quite suburban neighborhood, I'm super paranoid that someone will appear masquerading as a delivery man only to rape and kill me. So paranoid, in fact, that I have devised various escape routes out of my house and regularly rehearse them in my head.

They go something like this: get my son, activate alarm, break though window with one swift movie ninja kick, run to nearest neighbor's house.

I also get a bit freaked out when I see fliers and business cards stuck in the door frame or rubber band to the knob... It means someone was THAT close to my house and I didn't even know it. Usually, I'm not comfortable with stranger being in or around my home.

Except these days, I find myself wishing that the Jehovah's Witnesses would drop by...

It's not that I'm looking to convert. In fact, I imagine that we would have a lively discussion about faith only to celebrate our difference with a toast of fresh lemonade...

Oh okay fiiiiine.... The truth is I occasionally get kind of lonely during the day. My son is just learning how to talk. Some stuff he says on this own, like "mama", "dada", and "yeah". Other words, he simply mimics. While he is unfailingly adorable and often quite hilarious, he's not much of a conversationalist and by the middle of the day, I get sick of hearing my own voice...

We don't watch a lot of tv. If you've ever witnessed daytime television, you'd know why. Besides there's only so much "Who's yo Baby Daddy?" with Maury Povich and bickering with The View that I can take...

As for the phone and going out... Well, I don't really like (nor have the time) to chat endlessly on the phone and going out with a ten month old is sometimes more trouble than its worth. It's just easier (for me) if people come over...

I guess I'll just have to wait until next quarter when the Jehovah's Witnesses come back with my newest copy of The Watchtower...

On second thought, perhaps I should just continue ignoring the doorbell...

photo by improg