Hurt feelings at playdates. Not just for kids....

A fellow stay-at-home mommy friend got mad at me last week for joining a second playgroup and not telling her about it.

That's right. You heard me. I joined a second playgroup. I did not inform her. She got mad.

She found out over dinner earlier in the week and fumed about it for a few days until I called to talk about something completely different.

Her side of the conversation went something like this...

"I considered us to be close friends. I was really hurt that I had to hear it from a complete stranger."

"How long has this been going on?"

"Is this why you showed up late to playgroup last week?"

"If you didn't want to be in playgroup with me, you should have just been upfront and told me. I'm not the type to get mad about something petty like that..."

... and I sat dumbfounded on the other end of the line.

For a moment there, I thought I may have (inadvertently) cheated on my husband. Nope, THAT my friend could have forgiven. This was PLAYGROUP. Obviously I didn't realize they were considered "exclusive relationships".

In picking one, was I to forsake all others? For better or worse. In sickness or well checks. Until death (or kindergarten) do you part…

Geeez.

In reality, I haven't actually "cheated". In fact, my son and I have yet to show up to one of the (second) group's play dates. I JUST talked to the organizer last Tuesday and told her their meeting time of 10 a.m. on Fridays was going to be tough to make, but feebly promised that "we'll try".

I suppose there is also the little matter of my friend having ditched this particular playgroup months ago, back when I was a "working mom". She and the other mommies didn't really hit it off. By the third date, they were having a ball and she was checking her watch. So, she decided to dump them. No hard feelings.

Silly me, I must have forgotten all about "girl law #1": if your friend dated them, you can't. There must be some clever saying for that. Bros before hoes...Sistas before Mistas...Hmmm? I guess the same goes for playgroups.

Three days before my last day of work, she called my office to ask if we could start our OWN playgroup-- ASAP. I said, "Sure", and we started meeting three weeks ago. We want to open it to other kids, but she has been so particular about who we should "let in" (Surprise...) that I doubt we'll make much of a "love connection".

I didn't really care. I figured we'd be getting together or talking on the phone anyway. Why not make it constructive?

The truth is my son will (hopefully) start preschool one day a week in October. I figured it would be good for us to start doing something more with our days other than cooking, cleaning, and shopping together. Plus, it's good for him to be around other kids… and me to be around other moms. I wasn’t looking to stop meeting up with my friend. Just to make new ones…

The last few weeks have been rough, as is expected with a 10 month old. One week he got sick. The next week was my turn… and since our kids are the only two in the group, if we don’t show, playtime is off.

I can see how she jumped to conclusion that I could be "dumping her"… or maybe I didn’t think it would be such a BIG FREAKING DEAL that we needed to have a “talk"

My friend basically ended our conversation by bad mouthing each and every one of the other moms, but assuring me that "maybe I'll get along with them" and apologized for being so "negative".

Maybe it WILL work out between us and we will live happily ever after... or I will be entering a den of crazy...

There is a reason why I am exceptionally selective about my female friends… and have very few. As far as I’m concerned this one just went on notice.