Don't Step on My Fuzzy Pink Slippers

Earlier in the year, there was great brew-ha-ha over the latest in the so-called "Mommy Wars". (More like publishing wars, if you ask me, but you didn't. Smirk!)

I admit that when Leslie Bennetts' book, The Feminine Mistake: Are We Giving Up Too Much?, first came out, my nose got bent out of shape about it, too. "Those are my choices she's attacking," I huffed and puffed upon my first impressions of the book, but I eventually got over it as I learned more about her message.

Although the word "Mistake", ever so bold in the title, is off-putting, it actually takes a very pragmatic look at the "Opt-out Revolution", and its subsequent economic pitfalls for women. I see her point of view, but probably would have kindly suggested another title.

Then, earlier this week, I stumbled upon a claim made by University of Texas prof, Gretchen Ritter, that "the stay-at-home mother movement is BAD for society". Mmmm-kay....

I couldn't track down the original July 2004 article from the Austin American-Statesman, but according to its rebuttal on WorldNetDaily, she states this without the benefit of empirical or anecdotal evidence. She simply makes "points" such as mothers choosing to stay home "deny fathers the chance to be involved".

Based on this reasoning, does that imply that putting kids in daycare means that neither parent gets to be involved? (Please note: I'm NOT saying that putting kids in daycare makes you a bad parent. I'm merely following her "reasoning"...)

She goes on to say that SAHMs "stress children out". Ms. Ritter, does THIS look like a "stressed out kid" to you?

While I initially found both of these writers irritating and misguided, (Note I said "initially", Ms. Bennetts. We're cool, now. But, you, Ms. Ritter. Bah!)...

Anyhoo... while I initially found both of these writers irritating and misguided, I could simply ignore them because their attacks weren't personally directed at me. Rather, they were writing to a general group in society, but didn't come any closer to me or my life than my TV or computer screen, which I could easily turn off/ tune out.

It was not, however, as easy to ignore the pompous ass standing in my living room spouting drivel about how I ought to MONETIZE MY BLOG so that my work-loving husband could retire at 37. Never mind that my husband has no interest in retiring... ever, but apparently, I should be doing something to "support my family," you know... financially.

"I, uhh, know this guy that makes more money with his blog then he did as an engineer," he insisted, 'Why can't YOU do that?'"

SEETHING. HOT. BLOOD. BOILING TO EARS.

This was my husband's college roommate and my grievances against him run long and deep, but for your sake, dear Internet, I'll keep them brief. He can be a pretty a decent guy in passing, but conversations with him tend to annoy me. Jumping from random topic to random topic, he tries to sound more informed than he actually is. He usually ends up sounding arrogant and priggish instead.

During his last visit, I was still working at the time and my husband was between jobs and home taking care of our son. Within two seconds of my arrival from my glamorous job in advertising, he started bombarding me with questions like...

"What's the point of advertising?"
"Why does it cost so much?"
"Could you explain branding to me? I don't get it"
"Why can't you just outsource creative to India?"

.... and the rest of the visit went downhill from there.

He had recently graduated with an MBA from a well-know university, but judging from this conversation I cannot speak highly of their business program.

He was in town again this weekend and wanted to drop by and see us. (Bleck!) I kindly suggested to my husband that they just meet OUT somewhere for lunch, because I was in no mood to put up with his friend today. NO MOOD!

I'm supportive and respectful of my husband's friendships, but I reserve the right to avoid people that irritate me. This particular friend just happens to be one of this people, but who am I to stand in the way.

With our son down for his afternoon nap and my latest Netflix ready to be played, I was fine with my husband spending the afternoon with his buddy.

"Hang out. Go wherever you want. Talk as long as you want," I said, "I just don't want to be around him. Not today."

Two hours later, I get a phone call from my husband. They were a block away from the house and he just wanted to "warn me that he was coming over"...

Wearing my Sunday Best (i.e. hot pink lounging pants and a tank top that I wouldn't answer the door in ) and in a foul mood, I had two minutes to look decent and be the smiling, hospitable housewife.

My dark mood got darker as he started in on "why aren't you making any money to support your family?" As my husband and I explained that I currently have a job. A BIG one. It's the day-to-day care of our child and our household, but he didn't get it and pressed forward...

...insulting my choices, oblivious to what it takes to be a mom, implying I should be more concerned with making money for my family rather than taking care of them, and so forth.

Didn't I already mention I was in no mood that day?

Well, I wasn't. I didn't want to get into a debate about monetizing my blog (a la BlogHer) just because someone he knows made it big as a blogger 10 years ago. I was beyond annoyed by having to justify my very personal choice to become a SAHM to someone who only cares about status and money. I was beyond bored listening to him brag about all of his Facebook "friends". (He's in his 30s, by the way...)

I wear my emotions as honestly and outwardly in real life as I do on this blog, and was about to blow after nearly an hour of this. I pulled Hubby aside and told him we were going to have words. They could either be in front of his pal or in private, he chooses...

"Umm, if I didn't want to see him at lunch, OUT at a restaurant, why the HELL would I want him IN MY HOME?"

"I know. I know, but I thought we could just hang out in the study and be out of your way..."

"I WAS IN THE STUDY before you showed up with him.... and furthermore, where to you get off calling me TWO SECOND before you arrive at MY HOME on a SUNDAY with someone I CAN'T STAND and tell me to look presentable. ASS!"

"I brought you home Indian food."

"ASS!"

I didn't care that his friend and I disagreed. I'm all for differing opinions. To Ms. Ritter, I'm a subversive. I am a fool and headed towards a financial quagmire according to Ms. Bennetts. I'm okay with that. Hurrah!

I'm even secure enough to recognize that I don't have to like everyone that my husband likes. In fact, it's better that he have some of his own friends and I'm all for him spending time with them. Yea!

However, disturbing the peace and sanctity of my Sunday afternoon to belittle and insult me in my own home is another thing entirely... especially when it was supposed to be a "fuzzy pink slipper" kind of day.


photo by Meytav