Before we could get married in the Catholic Church, my husband and I were required to participate in Pre-Cana. It's akin to the premarital counseling other churches require and the approach varies by parish and by dioceses. While our best friends recently had to meet with a sponsor (mentor) couple, we were required to go on a weekend retreat focused on marriage.
On the retreat, we were given notebooks and asked to write down our answers to a series of questions like "what does the sacrament of marriage mean to you?" and "what are the obstacles that might occur in our achieving true intimacy?" My husband and I were supposed to exchange notebooks several times over the weekend and share our answers with one another.
At the time, I felt that it was completely unnecessary and a waste of time for us, especially since the most of the issues covered were things we had already discussed in depth ages ago. Besides, didn't they realize I had a wedding to plan? A seminar on how to deal with planning a sit-down dinner reception for 250 with meddlesome in-laws and a crazy mother would have been better preparation, as far as I was concerned.
I was cleaning our study last week, when I found these notebooks among binders of old bank statements and our tax papers from 2005. I stopped what I was doing and sat down to read every page.
I'm generally not a weepy person, but I found myself quite moved by the words we wrote to one another not so long ago. A lot has changed since two became one, then became three. My husband lost his previous job and I gave up my career to stay home, but our words to one another are truer today than when they were written then.
Recently, I was at dinner with a girlfriend who is about to celebrate her 15th wedding anniversary. She confided in me some of the ebbs and flows her marriage has endured over the years, but how she was eagerly anticipating their next phase together. This idea that a love can change, yet stay the same, touched me as well. It spoke volumes for how I felt that day re-reading our words to one another written before we had any idea what was coming next.
On the retreat, we were given notebooks and asked to write down our answers to a series of questions like "what does the sacrament of marriage mean to you?" and "what are the obstacles that might occur in our achieving true intimacy?" My husband and I were supposed to exchange notebooks several times over the weekend and share our answers with one another.
At the time, I felt that it was completely unnecessary and a waste of time for us, especially since the most of the issues covered were things we had already discussed in depth ages ago. Besides, didn't they realize I had a wedding to plan? A seminar on how to deal with planning a sit-down dinner reception for 250 with meddlesome in-laws and a crazy mother would have been better preparation, as far as I was concerned.
I was cleaning our study last week, when I found these notebooks among binders of old bank statements and our tax papers from 2005. I stopped what I was doing and sat down to read every page.
I'm generally not a weepy person, but I found myself quite moved by the words we wrote to one another not so long ago. A lot has changed since two became one, then became three. My husband lost his previous job and I gave up my career to stay home, but our words to one another are truer today than when they were written then.
Recently, I was at dinner with a girlfriend who is about to celebrate her 15th wedding anniversary. She confided in me some of the ebbs and flows her marriage has endured over the years, but how she was eagerly anticipating their next phase together. This idea that a love can change, yet stay the same, touched me as well. It spoke volumes for how I felt that day re-reading our words to one another written before we had any idea what was coming next.
I'm grateful from my husband and for the feelings which may have changed, but only because they have gotten better with age.
9 comments:
Awww, sweet!
I had to go for a weekend like that too! That was 7 years ago. Now that you've reminded me of it, I might just go dig out those notes.
Aw man, that's a great tribute to your hubs...
We did Pre Cana too..but didn't spend a weekend...it was like one full night.
Of course, we didn't take it seriously...like everything else we giggled.
Oh thanks for this! This post came at the perfect time for me. I really loved it.
:)
PS- come over if you have time. I made something for you!
-HH
I can totally relate to that. 15 years together have given me the same perspective.
Husbands are definitely a great thing to be thankful for! It's so great to be reminded of the "aging" of our love and how it will only get "better" with time! Great post! :)
I love this post! What a joy to read. :D
That's wonderful. My husband refused to take pre-cana seriously, and spent the whole day drawing goofy cartoons of the priest running the session...
Great post! Sorry I don't know how I missed this one yesterday. I don't know how long you and your dh have been married but we will celebrate our 10th year in a few months. What a ride it has been. It's nice when your marriage finally feels comfortable. Problems sure but quicker resolutions.
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