Just What You Needed. Career Advice From a SAHM Complete With Off-Season Baseball References

Last week, when I (heavy sigh, dramatic pause) told my expat friends that I may be leaving London sooner than we had hoped, all of them marveled at how I could just stand there and calmly explain everything to them.

To tell you the truth, I marveled too.

It's one thing to live in uncertainty. It's quite another to tell people about it-- hearing my voice form each word and having the same questions that keep me up at night echoed back...

It simply makes it all too real.

I even hesitated to post about it, but your hugs and well wishes, much like theirs, have been a tremendous source of support the last few days. Thank you! Thank you!

My husband, just as resourceful as ever, has been tapping into his contacts, which isn't that hard since he just did it... oh, six...seven months ago, so we ARE hoping for the best... even if it means moving... UH-gain. Bah!

There's one "big name" studio that's been very interested, or so we thought until he interviewed...

Without giving anything too much away, it turned out to be a total joke. While I didn't get that far in my career, there's a certain point when your resume speaks for itself and BS questions like...

"If you lived on an island inhabited by dinosaurs that ate sheep, what's your favorite color and why?"

...are a total waste of your time and theirs.

(Okay, so that wasn't the exact question, but it's very similar and just as pertinent to his field, which is computer graphics, not zoo keeper at Jurassic Park.)

STRIKE ONE.

To prove my point, a few nights later, a follow-up call came from them APOLOGIZING for the last interview being so insipid.

Whichever color my husband chose, it was the right one, because they were also calling to ask if he would consider talking to them again--a "real" interview this time...with knowledgeable members of the team offering serious questions and meaningful dialogue.

Imagine that?!

They went on to implore that Hubby really, really consider them because...

"It's a really great company to work for..."

(Yeah, they really seem to have their act together...)

"We offer breakfast and lunch to our employees..."

(I may not have worked for very long, but I did work long enough to know that this is code for "you will live at the office")

"We really promote work-life balance, very family-friendly. We offer "movie nights" once a week and lots of family events throughout the year..."

(Great, but will that be the ONLY time he will see his family?)

(Furthermore, if you have to use mythical words like "work-life balance", you probably aren't...)

The hilarity is there hasn't been any talk of salary or benefits at this point...

No discussion of the team he'll be working with, or the projects...

Definitely no relocation package to consider...

As far as everyone's concerned, there hasn't even been an interview yet and they are already peeing all over themselves trying to convince my husband (and me) that it's even worth talking to them...

Yeah. Steeee- rike TWO!

Plus the studio is located in our least favorite place to live, but it's not entirely out of the question. Nothing is, at the moment.

Eagerly waiting for the next pitch...

Keep It Your To Yourself

Last week, Parents Mag's Goody Blog posted an open letter to J.Lo and Marc Anthony regarding that tiger pit of a nursery of theirs. Staffers taking them to task on such baby-proofing faux pas as bows on the cribs and the like...

Reading this, I just rolled... my... eyes.

Sure Parents may have only being doing their job as the "experts", but is it any of their bees wax?

I can't tell you how many times I've fought the urge to go up to a couple holding a newborn and inform them that they are doing it "all wrong" or give that new moms' group who meet for Saturday brunch at our local diner the benefit of my extensive parenting wisdom...

Instead, I keep it to myself. I hold back, because I know what it's like to be a new mom. More importantly, I know what it's like to have a would be happy and exciting time poo-poo'd upon by well-doers and know-it-alls and their unsolicited "advice". It never ends well...

At one of my baby showers, a "friend" thought it would be fun and games to have every parent go in a circle and tell me everything about everything on babies. It was an endless barrage of horror story after horror story, but they were "only trying to help..."

Uh, more like vent and no, thank you. Yeah, it kinda ruined any joy or excitement I should have been feeling that day...

So what if I was delusional and misguided? It was my first baby and therefore my God-given right to not worry about night-time feedings or attachment issues... AT... MY... BABY... SHOWER!

For the record, I think their nursery is a DREAM and makes for a lovely photo op. Based on the comments incited by this "Memo to J. Lo.", many tend to agree as well... Not that J. Lo. or Marc Anthony personally asked.

The Dos and Do Nots

Over Easter brunch with several other families, one of the guests "casually" dropped an announcement...

He's writing a screenplay.

...and suddenly, the other guests got very interested in the smoked salmon and melon salad we were feasting upon.

What did you say was in this salad again? It's delicious... Oh, is that my son breaking something in the other room? I better go... Hey, I had a really good poop today. Anyone wanna to hear about that...

Okay, maybe not that last thing, but almost anything to avoid talking about this guy's screenplay.

He brought it up again, but only to admit that he hadn't actually written anything yet, but merely purchased the special, super-duper software for it.

To which I replied, "You mean, Microsoft Word..." (Smart Ass) I got a huge laugh, but don't think he appreciated that comment...

We probably could have been more supportive of our friend. So why weren't we? Pondering this incident, I realized it's because I'm jaded and cynical.

There comes a point in every bourgeoisie existence where everyone you know has, at one point or another, had aspirations to do something creative... without actually doing anything creative.

In other words, that whole "planning to write" a screenplay... No one plans to become a writer. They write.

No huge proclamations. No fanfare. No premature pats on the back. They simply write.

Come see me when your first draft is completed. I'll be happy to press "spell check". Just don't think I'm going to get all googly-eyed and impressed when you talk about all the special formating your new software will automatically do.

Luckily, my husband, with his USC film degree and years of working in the film industry, was not in the room when the screenplay was brought up. I can only imagine the dose of "reality" he would have provided...

Later in the privacy of our own home, when I told him about our friend planning to write a screenplay, he merely said, "Yeah, him and everyone in L.A. Pfff... Good Luck!"

Holiday Memories... Worth Keeping?

Beside my desk is a shoe box full of cards from Christmas '06. On top of that, there is another box filled with cards from Christmas '07...

I've put aside the favorites. If it's handmade, especially personal, from Grandma D, or just really funny, I keep it. Anything that shows no more effort than being stamped and sealed gets "boxed".

Christmas letters are tossed immediately. If we do more than exchange cards at the holidays, I already know what's in it. If not, then I really don't care what you're up to, now do it? Harsh I know, but I'm a busy person...

But what about the rest... like the photos of the kiddos and cute babies. I feel bad about tossing those, but I REALLY need to do something about these boxes. They can't just keep piling up year after year!

What do you do with all of those Christmas cards once Christmas is over? Any creative solutions out there...

Handle With the Least Bit of Care

Five years ago, a couple we know started a hilarious tradition called the "Crappy Gift Exchange". Occuring shortly after New Year's, its stated purpose is to inflict "crappy" holiday gift on to your friends "Dirty Santa" style.

They knew they were onto something when people were anticipating which relative or co-worker would be providing the crappy gift weeks before the original Christmas wrapping had been shred...

People are also STILL talking about the last party when one couple brought this hideous winter wonderland snow globe. When it was unwrapped at the party, the new recipient turned it over and found that there was a personalized and sentimental inscription to the couple from the husband's folks.

Well, the wife was just flabbergasted and mortified, and begged to have it back. To torment them further, the gift was stolen several more times until it was deemed "frozen". In the end, the final owner gave it back to the couple. The hideous snow globe went back to their house and the story went down in "crappy gift exchange" history.

Personally, I have an unopened, unused, and definitely unwanted fondue set to unload this year. It was a gift from my sister's ex-boyfriend of many Christmas' past...

Let's just say it's lost its sentimental sheen and there hasn't been any distant second cousins' weddings on the feuding side of the family lately...

Not that I ever re-gift or anything (cough, cough, cough...), but for all of you desperate holiday shopper out there, here are a few tips on re-gifting with style and grace. It can be done, people.

And that's when reality hit....

I finally got in touch with a friend from college who had her baby earlier this summer. She's still trying to get a handle on the whole lack of sleep/showering, napping/feeding schedule, losing brain cells joys of motherhood before her maternity leave ends, so we've been playing phone tag for a while. It was so nice to finally hear from her and get caught up on all the vital baby details...

How was the labor? Are you nursing? Is he sleeping through the night? Of course not, how are YOU holding up?

When asked about her son's major milestones, she told me that he's smiling and cooing like a pro, but hasn't been holding up his own head very well. It seems that they don't do much "tummy time" because she doesn't like putting him on the floor...

Suppressing giggles, I assured her that "tummy time" shouldn't make or break his chances for Harvard, Class of 2028. He'll be just fine!

Talking to my friend reminded me of the "not so long ago" when I would freak out about all sorts of things that I find silly now. It also reminded me of all the things that I never even considered freaking out about...

There's a fabulous book I keep at easy reach on my nightstand called, I Was a Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids: Reinventing Modern Motherhood.

Ladies and Dads-to-be, toss out that tired copy of What to Expect When You're Expecting. This book should be your required reading for parenthood... especially for anyone that's ever uttered the phrase, "Can you believe they let their kid... I would NEVER do that!" or "How hard could taking care of little kids be?"

It's like nothing you could have ever expected... EVER.

I flip through my copy whenever I need a "reality check" or a little reassurance that I am still a good mom... just a little worn down.

I used to think I knew it all. I went into motherhood headstrong and certain of absolutely everything that I would and wouldn't do as a parent...

I thought going back to work would be a total no brainer for me. ("HA!", says the SAHM.) I had my ideas on how "easy" it would be to impose MY schedule on my son. These days, I'm lucky if he allows me to impose clothing on him. (I only appear to be in charge around here.)

I never realized how powerful all-consuming mommy guilt could be or how emotional I would become over the slightest thing like my son having a bad day at Mom's Morning Out. I never knew what the words "this hurts me more than it hurts you" truly meant until I had to discipline my son for his own good. I never knew that I could give so much of myself (so much of the time) and still feel like I'm not doing enough...

I love being a mom, but some days are just tougher than others. This book helps me to see past all that and laugh at the insanity that my life has become... especially my crazy expectations.

I used to be paranoid about my newborn being too close to the floor, too. I avoided registering for a bouncy chair for the longest time because I thought they were too close to the floor... where people walk... with their feet... and their GERMS! Gahhh!

I eventually caved when I was told that bouncy chairs = getting to shower. In fact, I ended up getting two: one for the bathroom and one for the kitchen, so I could shower AND eat(!!) These days I love it when my son stays on the ground level. It's the only place that he can't fall off!

Friends with Benefits

Someone found my blog by way of googling "if you do his laundry are you just friends." My answer to you is: "NO, and you better be getting something really good out of it too..."

My work here is done.

photo by –Gretchen

Fighting Cabin Fever One Desperate Mommy at a Time

I've been complimented on several occasions on how easy I make this "having a toddler" thing look... Smoke and mirrors, people. Smoke and mirrors.

Yes, having a generally sweet and mellow kid helps, but he's still a kid and going out with him still requires a great deal of preparation, and stamina, and preparation, and patience, and prepa-- Are you getting the point, yet? Planning ahead seems like the most logical thing to do, but can get overwhelming for a mind that's constantly bombarded and pulled in multiple directions. It's probably easier to make your excuses and just stay home. Next thing you know, you've been stuck in the house for days and you're going crazy!!! Ahhh!

Well, freak out no more. For all of my friends and friends of friends who can never seem to make out the door at a moment's notice, I've put together a few quick hints to make your getaways a little easier:

1. Diaper bag: Packed and Ready to go. There's nothing more stressful than scrambling to find everything as you and toddler rush out the door. Do yourself a favor. Have your diaper bag packed (or at least, sort of packed.) Keep it by the door, and above all, keep it simple...

Just pack the essentials: diapers, wipes, change of clothes, sippy cup... maybe even hand sanitizer, if you wish. Anything else, you can just get while you're out, if you need it. Probably won't.

Then, replace whatever you used when you get home and put it right back by the door.

2. Ditto for a lunch bag. Buy one with a pocket. I keep ours stocked with bibs, place mats, wipes, and "use and toss" utensils. When we make last minute dinner plans, all we have to do is toss in an ice pack, grab some food and his milk, and we're outta here. Since everything in there is disposable, it's no big deal if something gets left behind in the rush to leave the restaurant.

3. Keep a stroller, booster chair, umbrella, and a towel in the car at ALL times. These things will get you through most impromptu situations, and you never have to worry about forgetting them. (The towel can also double as a blanket if it gets chilly or you decide to have a picnic )

4. Snacks, Snacks, Snacks. They keep your kid content, satiated, and at bay... and if in a fun enough container, distracted for a while.

5. Know when it's time to leave. Probably the most important rule of all. If you kid seems unhappy and ready to leave, you probably should...

The only thing worse than having to deal with a screaming, stressed-out, tired kid is having a to deal with a screaming, stressed-out, tired kid in public. Be ready to make a quick exit if needed and try again later... perhaps after nap.

Just say no to "cabin fever". LEAVE THE HOUSE.

photo by Iroma Baby

Here's something new...

I recently signed up for a local mommy group via Meetup. I know, I know... what do I need with ANOTHER mommy group?!!!

Well, I wasn't looking to join another mommy group. I happened to be looking at join another book club. I decided that the other ladies in the mommy book club are boring. I never went back after the first meeting.

If you haven't heard of Meetup, it's a great place to find people with shared interests, causes, or goals locally. The groups are supposed to meet face-to-face on a regular basis in order to foster more personal experiences. They have some pretty fun groups, but, alas, no book clubs in my neck of the woods.

Unless you count The Dallas Romance Novel Book Club Meetup Group or the North Texas Objectivist Society? Uh, pass and pass.

They did, however, have a mommy group for my town. Although I really wasn't interested in joining yet another playgroup, I was interested bogarting their summertime ideas for me and my son. I simply had to sign up and get on their mailing list to access their list of events...

The past few weeks, I've received e-mails about trips to the park and story time at the library... All typical stuff... until I received THIS e-mail today.

Hi Ladies!

I know we tried to set this up earlier and it wasn't such a hit, but let's try again. Strollerskating! How exciting does that sound?! I haven't been skating in years, but it should be like riding a bicycle, right? :) Plus, not only will we bond and get to know each other, but we will be getting in some great exercise, too.

Every Thursday from 9:00 a.m. to 12:00 p.m. You bring yourself, baby, stroller, and skates--if you don't own any, don't worry, they offer skate rental.

So, what do you say...let's try and do this again because it sounds like so much fun.

We hope to see you there!!

It sounds so "Parenting X Games", I just may try it out. I'm just not so sure about the "bonding". I'm not that confident about me skating, maneuvering a stroller, and talking at the same time...

...and as I mention before, I DON'T need to join another mommy group.

Photo by moominmolly

Mommy's Got to Network, too

Last week, I exchanged contact information with another SAHM. I was out and about and wasn't exactly prepared... as usual.

I no sooner found a pen and a gum wrapper to write on than she pulled out a nifty little business card with all of her info-- name, kids' names, address, numbers, and emergency contacts. Her "logo" was even a little crayon drawing one of her kids drew. How clever!

It makes perfect sense, especially since I seldom lack a free hand to jot down my info these days.

Her kids are 6, 4, and 2, so I'm sure she uses these cards more often that I would, but still... What a great idea!

Upon further inspection, I noticed that she had them printed for FREE (+ shipping) online at www.vistaprint.com.

When I went on their site this afternoon, they had 45 business card layouts to choose from for free. You can also customize your own for under $10!

I also used this company to print address labels for last year's Christmas cards. There were green and had tiny caricatures of me, my hubby, and our son. I don't know about anyone else, but I thought they were ADORABLE!