North, South, East, West. Mother's Milk Is Still The Best.

I would like to preface this post with saying that I am an ardent supporter of breastfeeding... and come to think of it, formula feeding too!

I'm also generally NOT a prude, nor do I think that there should be any shame or indecency associated with feeding one's child, but something happened the other day that struck me as funny and I just had to share.

I've been trying to get involved with this great parents' group in our area. As you can imagine it's mostly British mums and dads. They have been welcoming, but in a less whole-hearted and gregarious way than I'm used to in Texas.

It's not their fault. The Brits just tend to be more reserved and aren't so keen on inviting strangers "to drop by anytime" for play dates and mutual bitching, so I'm fine that things are still rather formal.

However there's one mom that I've gotten to know really well, but in a most unconventional manner...

The first time I met her, it was at another mom's house. She walked in with her kids and before introductions could be made, she pulled up her shirt to nurse her baby. No cover up or even a pretense of one.

The conversation merely pressed forward and she had to go before I could catch her name.

This happened again on the two or three other occasions I've run into her. Last time, we were in a public place and she got so caught up in the conversation that she (absent-mindedly) left her breast exposed well after her son had unlatched and nodded off.

This is all very funny to me, but only because I still don't even know her name.

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In any case, if you were wondering about the rest of the world's attitude towards nursing mothers. The answer is... there isn't one.

(Well, at least not in my London circles.)

It makes me cringe to even think about all those times I had to squeeze into an ill-fitting fitting room to feed my son...

Or the time, I had to apologize for having to pump at work...

Or my friend that was asked to leave the dinner table because what she and her baby were doing was "gross"...

Spreading the News...

Thank you for all of your words of encouragement and support in response to my last post! You guys are the best-est Internet bloggy friends ever.

Not a lot of people in my "real" life know that I write this blog. I like it that way, since they make good blog fodder and I can talk smack about them all I want.

Since there are a few close friends who know about, and to my shock, actually read my blog (Hi, guys!), I jotted a quick note apprising them of the situation before I posted the other day...

I'm not clear on what the proper etiquette is in this type of situation, but I'm sure first hearing about your friend's firing on his wife's blog (as opposed to hearing it directly) is a bit off-putting.

It's not exactly the kind of news you gleefully shout from the rooftops. On the other hand, it's also not the kind of news you "hide and don't tell anyone about" either, only to have it gossiped behind your back. That makes it seem like you're embarrassed by it, which we aren't.

It felt too awkward to personally call and tell everyone about it. Plus neither of us was in the mood to rehash the story over and over again, so I opted to send a quick and simple e-mail.

Just as crass, perhaps? Oh well.

I say that it is was a "quick note," but it really wasn't. I actually thought long and hard about how exactly to word it. I mean, we want our friends to know what's going on, but in a way that didn't beg for forced sympathy or drama. (Besides, I'm more comfortable with sarcasm and jabs anyway.)

We know a couple that sends "poor us" e-mails for every little thing and I'm sorry, but it is uh-nnoy-ing. We didn't to be those people, but we also don't want to hide the truth either. Your husband being fired when you're a SAHM does suck A LOT and, there's no way to sugar-coat and cherry-top that.

After a night of letting things marinate (and allowing the initial shock to wear off), we were actually okay with it by the time I was ready to send my note. Hubby took some time to process and lick his wounds, but he woke up early the next day and started updating his resume, filing unemployment, and researching companies. (whew-hew!) Turns out he has a lot of great contacts in his industry and some reliable leads, so we're really excited about the opportunities this opens up.

As for our son, he is absolutely THRILLED to have not one, but TWO stay-at-home parents. Good. Hopefully, he won't notice when we have to cut Mom's Day Out and Gymboree out of his schedule...

It took a few tries to write that e-mail to our friends, but I eventually come up with something light-hearted, to the point, and funny... or at least I thought so. Hopefully, they did too.

Their responses and phone calls were all very supportive and encouraging as well. They're the best, too!

Haiku: S.W.A.K and Written By Mommy

Whew- hew! To all who
hung through birthday installments
one , two, even, three.

Then, there were the posts
all about the planning, too!
So many details!

Boy! I'm glad that's through.
Even though you still came back,
no doubt, you are too!

With that behind us
there's just one more thing to do...
Say "Thank You", of course.

I love stationary --thank you cards, invitations, note cards, lined envelopes, etc. If it's personalized, customized, and paper, I LOVE it!!!

I also (secretly) enjoy writing thank you cards as if they were penned by my son. (My two-year-old son...) I write them as I imagine he would talk to another toddler, print and use big letters, and even sign them with "Your Pal, A----".

If I had received something like this before I had a child, I would have rolled my eyes and pretended to gag. I would have passed it around the table at happy hour and made all my childless, single friends read it and they would have gagged, too.

I realize it's dorky. It's silly. It's clearly very obnoxious (even though all of my mommy friends do it, too), but nothing amuses me more. Fortunately, I get to write plenty of thank you cards following the windfall that was my son's birthday!

Ha-Ha, and you thought I really wouldn't bring up my kid's birthday ever again... Okay, last time. I promise.

So 'fess up. Are you obnoxious, too?

For more Haiku Friday, check out A Mommy Story and Playgroups are No Place for Children.

What Did You Expect?

What is it about motherhood (or the hint of impending motherhood) that makes people think your personal life is public domain?

Case in point, take this conversation I had with a friend last week. She called me while I was in the middle of a (particularly difficult) shopping trip with my son to confirm that...

SHE: Hey, in case you were wondering if K is pregnant. She is definitely NOT!

ME: Um, I wasn't but, all right, what brought that up?

SHE: Yeah, well she's been wearing these puffy tops and empire waists lately. They're in style, but it looked like she was starting to show... So, I just HAD to ask her point blank, "Are you...?"

ME: Oh, and how did that go?

SHE: BAD-LY. She said something about getting back on Weight Watchers and running a marathon before and needed to do it again... Anyway, I was so mortified! I tried to cover it up by saying that it was probably just the shirt that made her look...

ME: Fat?

SHE: She just looks like such CRAP these days. I figured she must be pregnant!

At this point, my son started screaming LOUDLY in the middle of the store and I had to let her go, but there really wasn't much more to say after that other than, "WOW!"

Who would have thought that a tantrum could be a welcomed interruption?

After like, every last friend I have has told me that she's pregnant, with one due any day now and another expecting twins, I can't turn down a glass of wine without some raised eyebrows and downward glances.

Okay, so it's more like FIVE of my friends, but I'm serious about the wine...

Not only am I even more self-conscious about my own tubbiness, I hid the fact that I had that nasty stomach bug for two weeks simply to avoid the conversation that starts with, "well, did you pee on a stick... do you know for sure, it's just a bug... You never knoooooooow"...

Actually, yes I do and it's none of your business... Geeez!

Peeved

I've noticed that my friends who don't have kids will completely STOP talking mid-sentence the very second that my gaze turns to my child. I don't mean get up, walk to the other side of the room, and attend to my child... just a quick "hey, where's my kid and what is he doing" glance.

... and I'm talking about that "oh so dramatic" paaaaause, as if they're just soooooo put out by the fact that they can't have my FULL undivided (unmultiplied?) attention. It's the passive aggressive version of "ahem, ahem" and it's twice as obnoxious.

Although, how often do you ever really have anyone's full attention- kids or no kids?

I used to work with a lady who incessantly pecked at her Blackberry during huge presentations, most of which were being given specifically for her. Presentations that often had to be repeated for her later via conference call, where she was no doubt e-mailing and IMing on the other end...

It was annoying, but did anyone ever paaaaaause in the middle until she looked up again. Nope.

Other parents seem to realize that yes, in fact, I CAN look at my son and be listening to them... at the same time no less. Perhaps it is annoying that I keep looking at my son while talking to you, but keeping an eye on him is part of the job.

Besides, what's more annoying-- making sure my son isn't destroying your house or letting my kid destroy you house while I listen oh so attentively to every last detail about that movie that you saw and I didn't...

These are usually the same childless people that constantly boast that "when THEY have kids, they will never (fill in the blank)... and those kids will be on a tight leash..." (Umm, good luck with that. Hopefully, someone else won't give you grief when you have to attend to that "leash"...)

It's a subtle (petty?) thing, but it just happens to be one of my biggest pet peeves post-parenthood.

What are some of your parenting pet peeves, Blog Hoppers? I want to hear your drunken rants!

Miss Mommy Manners

As his friends turned the big 1 or 2 this year, my son has attended a lot of birthday parties recently and according to my date book, there are more to come. Since my son is a toddler and does not attend day care or preschool, his friends are actually MY friends' children, as opposed to "just some kid in his class".

Having known and loved these kids since birth, I tend to go all out with their gifts. I go to the trouble of finding something that not only suits the kid's age, but also his or her unique personality and interests.

Whether it's a purse and girly accessories for the little lady that likes to play dress-up or the singing school bus for the little guy that likes cars and music, I put a great deal of effort in finding the right gift, wrapping it, and getting it (and my son) to the party on time and in one piece...

That may not sound like a lot of work, but TRUST ME, it is... particularly the getting my son to the party on time and making sure he hasn't opened the gift in the car before we arrive.

So, what's the deal with receiving a fill-in-the-blank thank you card?

This would be totally cute coming from a first grader who is just learning how to write- misspelled words, inverted letters, and all, but at one and two-years-old, the parents are obviously writing the thank you cards, not the child.

I realize that "it's more blessed to give than to receive" (Acts, 20:35) and I should expect nothing more in return than that child's happy face as he seizes that bow and tears that wrapping paper. I really do find great joy in finding just the right thing, otherwise I wouldn't even bother driving to ten different stores to find it.

I just think that if you're going to go through all the trouble of writing a thank you notes in the first place, you can take a few extra seconds to do it right.

After all, penning "Dear...Thank you for... I really like playing with it/It's so cool/I can't wait to wear it... Your friend,..." isn't that much more effort, but it goes much further in showing your and your child's appreciation. It's also better manners in my opinion.

As a society, we've become a LOT more casual. People wear pajamas and shower shoes to the grocery store, on airplanes, and at the movies. (I wear my sneaks and sweats, thankyouverymuch.) I can't remember the last time someone called me "Mrs. D", but don't you dare... and who hasn't been privy to a LOUD cell phone call or two in a public restrooms while the caller is going potty (Eww! Eww! Eww!)

I would just hate to see the art of writing thank you notes go the way of being eVited to a wedding.