Now, with More In-Law Bashing

In the middle of getting a facial this past weekend, the aesthtician started chit-chatting with me about the holidays... Not cool. I don't know about you, but I prefer to zone out, relax, and NOT make small talk during my rare spa visits..

She asked me about my Thanksgiving plans and when I rolled my eyes and said that we'll be heading to my in-laws, she stopped what she was doing to my face and asked point blank, "well, what's wrong with being with your in-laws?"

Are you KIDDING me? I came here to RELAX and you want me to talk about my IN-LAWS...ugh!

I made some pithy remark and ended the conversation right then and there... and continued to zone out.

Frankly, there is no simple answer to that question, or at least not one that I was willing to share at that particular moment. I'm sure I could have enumerated several examples of what is "wrong" with them, but that would have quickly become tedious and boring... and not to mention, counterproductive to booking a "pre-holiday" spa appointment in the first place.

The truth is there really isn't anything wrong with my in-laws. As I've mentioned here before, they're well-intentioned and good people who just happen to drive us nuts. They live their life differently than we do and are prone to being unreasonable and insensitive at times, but otherwise they're all right folks.

In fact, I would even go as far as to say that in another world, another time, another life, my mother-in-law and I probably could have been friends... provided we didn't have to share any of our holidays or vacations together... just maybe. Unfortunately, in this world, this time, and this life, we do and all the stress that that entails is the #1 source of our friction. The rest of the year, the pressure is off and we're back to our tenuous, but workable relationship.

I have to keep this in mind especially when she tells me I'm being "inflexible" when we attempt to plan our THREE HOUR car trip to see THEM at THEIR HOUSE around our son's afternoon nap. I'm still fuming about that, in case you haven't noticed...

The irony is that my mother-in-law has a very similar relationship with her mother-in-law, Grandma D, who is as sharp as a tack in her late 90s and isn't going anywhere anytime soon. I love Grandma D, by the way. She's totally racist (in the way that only old people can get away with) and has an opinion on everything. It's awesome!

Based on the comments my mother-in-law makes when she thinks no one is listening and the scant details I've gotten from Hubby, Grandma D never really thought my mother-in-law was good enough for her son, has always been critical, and doted more on her other child's family. Sounds familiar, if you ask me?

My mother-in-law swore that when she had her own daughters-in-law, things would be much better. She has three and no, they aren't. In fact, the similarities are striking... right down to the blatant favoritism and short-sightedness.

Raising a son of my own, I wonder if this is a vicious cycle and if one day, my son will bring a girl home who clearly is not good enough for him. Will it crush me to no longer be the "only woman" in his life? Will I compete for his time and guilt them into spending holidays with us? How can I keep my heart from breaking when he tell me that they are going to her parents and it'll be another holiday before I can see him again?

Today, I'm grateful that that day isn't today! That my son is still a toddler and all mine... even if occasionally I'm tempted to sell him to gypsies. The years will fly by, but I will cherish every single one that I will get to spend with him.

One day (in the far, far future) when he moves away and has a family of his own, I'll try to be grateful for all the holidays that I will get to spend with them rather than resentful of the ones that I don't. I'll try to remember what it was that drove me nuts about Hubby's family and try not to perpetuate the madness.

In the meantime, I'll just have to keep that mother-in-law smack talkin' to a minimum, 'cuz payback is a bitch...