The Best Kind of Rejection

Just wanted to give you an update on my son's "speech issues".... It turns out he doesn't have any and he's "ineligible" for their program. HA!

A few weeks ago, a service coordinator from ECI came to the house for an initial meeting. It was basically a lot of paperwork and some "getting to know you". This past Thursday, she returned for the follow-up assessment and brought along a speech therapist.

The assessment process was interesting. They sat on my living room floor with a huge duffel bag filled with an assortment of toys and puzzles. Unpacking them one by one, they observed how my son played with each item. They would ask him to do things like "put the red peg in red hole", organize a set of rings from largest to smallest, and stack blocks (even though it was clearly more fun to knock them down, or at least, my son thought so...), then they would scribble a bunch of notes....

They observed and evaluated my son on several key developmental levels- physical, social, self-help/independence, etc.

And, GUESS WHAT?!

He scored well ABOVE his age on all categories except for "communication", in which he's ON target. Meaning he communicates (including signs, speech, and nonverbal) just fine for his age and he currently doesn't need speech therapy... but people have been telling me that all along, so no surprise there.

The whole visit took 45 minutes and ended with them issuing of an actual "notice of ineligibility". They left us with a few pointers on things we could do to help him advance further, but short of refusing to feed him until he tells me what he exactly wants to eat, his speech will have to blossom on its own.

(....um, and yes, refusing to feed her daughter until she says the words for exactly what she wants to eat is how my sister-in-law is getting my niece, who is a month younger than my son, to start talking. No comment.)

As soon as they left our house, I shot an e-mail about the visit to all of my mommy friends. Everyone was very supportive with their "I told you so".

When I arrived for playgroup the next day, the moms expressed their joy and relief. While that was sweet of them, it wasn't so much for our behalf, but theirs. Our referral had put the worry in all of their minds...

All of our kids seem to be doing just fine, but what if they really aren't on track?

Well, they are. I mean, we all know that our boys are smart. There's just great vindication is being told exactly how SMART my boy really is... hehe!

Overall, this has been a good experience, but I'm glad it's past us for now. I guess we all are.

Natural Habitats and Animal Sounds

My son performed behaved beautifully during our initial screening with the Early Childhood Intervention last week.

He was outgoing and curious, babbling and all smiles with our service coordinator (all good signs). It probably helped that she's a very sweet older lady with a calm and nurturing voice.

As I suspected, this first meeting (intake) was basically a lot of paperwork and some "getting to know you" stuff. Our service coordinator reviewed the process, payment plans, and our rights as parents to disagree or refuse services (duh!). She then went on to ask a series of questions about my son's nutrition and social and emotional well-being.

When asked what my concerns were, I said, "None. His pediatrician referred us to ECI. I think he's perfectly fine."

Wow! Hostile...much.

Realizing how that probably came off, I apologized and backed down. I explained to her that while I am certainly open to this process and happy for anything that helps my son, I think his speech delay has more to do with his personality.

"He's a man of action, not words", I explained. After observing us in our "natural habitat", she tended to agree...

"Well, what does he do if he wants something?", she asked me.

"He usually just gets it himself," I replied and as if right on cue, my son blew past us hauling a chair. He placed it beneath the light switches, climbed up, turned on the ceiling fan, then resumed playing... and all without a single word.

"See," I said with a grin, "and he even figured out how to do that all on his own."

Seriously. I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Next week, we have a follow-up visit with the speech therapist for a full assessment, which I'm actually looking forward to. It should be interesting.

Since the intake, my son has started saying "hiiiiiiiiiiiiiii" in this low, drawn-out comedy voice. I love it!

He has also started doing impressions of animals he sees in books. Whenever he sees pictures of snakes, he drops to the ground to writhe around and goes, "sssssss". For frogs, he hops around the room. For elephants, he pretends his arm is a trunk, and for everything else, he "roars".

(By the way, have you ever noticed how many animals "roar"? I didn't until I started teaching my son animal sounds...)

However, he seems to think owls are cats and cannot be convinced otherwise...

Yeah, I think I'll let that one go for now.

From Speechless to Frenzy

An update on my son's "speech delay"...

I'm feeling better about the whole "being referred to special services" thing since first writing about it a few weeks ago. Thank you to all who weighed in with your experience, or even just words of encouragement.

Being told that my son is anything less than perfect (or, at least, "developing normally") was a blow at first, but I've reassessed the situation. Took some very deep cleansing yoga breaths, gave my son a few extra hugs, and tried to relax...

We're skipping playgroup this Friday to do the intake with ECI. From what I understand, this first meeting is just supposed to be a lot of paperwork and will take place in the comfort and familiarity of our home...

WAIT?! They're coming here!

Suddenly, I'm analyzing every book, every toy, every DVD... Scrutinizing it for its "intellectual value". Are they going to spot something that will be blamed for my son's speech delay?

Oh, this is why the boy isn't talking... His mother reads... maaaaagazines. (gasp!) Clearly, this isn't a very literate household..."

I've also been in "Martha Stewart" mode all week- polishing toilets, scrubbing floors, organizing book shelves... If my son can't be "perfect", at least my house can be spotless.

Unless... it seems like I spend too much time cleaning and not enough time providing stimulating, thought-provoking activities... Ahhhh!

All right. So, maybe I'm not really okay about all this yet. breathe. breathe. breathe.

Speechless

Early last week, I mentioned taking my son to the doctor. He's had the same icky congestion and constantly getting ear infections since last Fall.

Now, I may only have a Bachelors in Psych and a Masters in Management, but I, in my medical opinion and with my vast medical knowledge and training, determined that these little issues could be all be solved with some allergy medicine.

Allergy medicine that I needed a "real" doctor to dose and prescribe... I wasn't really interested in her opinions, mind you.

Since I drove all the way there, waited for-freakin'-ever in a sterile white room with a view of the parking lot and NO TOYS, and paid my money, I wanted to discuss a few other things with her while we had our fifteen seconds...er, minutes with her.

The conversation dwelled on normal toddler issues, my son's recent lack of appetite and his toddler PMS, when I let slip that my son doesn't talk very much. She actually stopped tapping on her touchscreen for a moment and asked, "what do you mean?"

"What I mean," I continued, "is that my son understands with incredible depth everything we say to him. He just doesn't say many words consistently... well, beyond 'ma', 'da'. 'do' (dog), and 'dat' (what's that?)." Occasionally, he'll add a new word or two, say it once, then never repeat it again. I just attributed it to his personality, which is somewhat reserved and more observant. Less vocal, more mechanical. I really wasn't worried it. Honest. I only mentioned it for "completeness" at the exam.

According to my mother-in-law, my husband didn't talk until well past two! She assured me a long time ago that "if he's like his father, he'll say nothing and then just start talking in complete sentences and with perfect diction one day...and...never...stop". (And, no she was not exaggerating.) My son is everything like his father...

He does well with his other (nonverbal) communication-- some baby sign language, but mostly gestures when he needs something. I didn't think this is unusual for kids his age.

In fact, all but one or two of his friends talk, if you can call it that... and it's mostly unintelligible blabbing that their parents attribute meaning to...

"Dat! Dat!"

"What?"

"Oh, he just asked 'Can I have a cookie?"

"Really?"

"Oh yeah, he's so smart... Say 'please', dear"

"NAAAHHHH!" (starts crying, runs off with a cookie)

...and their moms, dads, and pediatricians aren't concerned.

So when our doctor referred us to the county's Early Childhood Intervention (ECI) for speech therapy, I was shocked.

It's hard for me to truly express how I feel about this. (Ironic, no?) I put off blogging about it because it upset me so much and talking about it didn't help. When I told some of my mommy friends about it, they were outraged on my behalf.

So, I've downplayed it as simply "making use of the services my taxes provide", which seems to placate them.

Personally, I think they're probably a little outraged on their behalf as well. Their sons, who are slightly older than mine, seem to be at the same pace with their language development, and what mother wouldn't be put off by being told that their child is anything less than happy and NORMAL.

Of course, I want to do everything I can to help my son, so last week, I made the appointments for his intake and assessment with ECI. The whole thing has thrown me in such a loop that I started stuttering while speaking to the counselor assigned to us. I made a joke about being the one having "speech delays" and she laughed. That made me feel better.

Our appointment isn't for a few weeks, so I'll know more then. In the meantime, I want to get your input. Has anyone else dealt with this sort of thing before?