What If and Other Late Night Terrors

I guess the stink of Hubby's job(less) situation finally reached my bitchy SIL, the one with all of the money and none of the class, because she just emailed me... completely out of the blue...

It had the same tenor as most of our past dealings... "Hi-Hi. We're doing FABULOUS. Our life. PERFECT! So what's up with YOU?"

They seem to have escaped the economic crapfest. Prosperity certainly agrees with them and I can't blame her for rubbing it in being so happy.

Insert some passive-aggressive BS about "not spending the holidays together" (as if we ever did), and you can see why we don't talk much...

She isn't the only one asking us, "Do you know... Do'ya? Do'ya? Huh? Huh?".

Everyone wants to know what's going to happen, but no more so than ME. It's quickly become the "...but, how are you feeee-ling?" of my pregnancy days and it's twice as annoying since I have no news to share.

Nothing.

While my dear, sweet husband is still hoping for a new contract and refusing to put our house back on the lettings market, I've simply resigned myself to the fact that I have a ton of (re)packing to do...

I've been a jumble of emotions that I can't even begin to sort right now. There's a lot of disappointment and anxiety, but GUILT tops the list.

Months ago, when the stress of moving to London finally got to me, I made the calamitous error of letting my guard down while talking to my mother-in-law.

Her response?

In a nutshell, a long lecture on how I should get over myself and be a stronger person, because what choice do I have... and I quote, "It's not like YOU would get a job and support your family".

Yeeeeah. Ouch!

At the time, I just filed that comment away in"crazy, hypocritical things my mother-in-law has no right to say to me" and moved on with my life. (It's a really big file.)

Although lately, her words have come back to haunt me.

I'm smart. I'm marketable. I love, love, LOVE being home with our son, but hate that the responsibility and pressure of keeping us solvent is all on my husband.

This will be the third time he's lost his job in two and a half years and each "transition" has nipped away at our savings more and more. Savings in which I have not contributed in a long time...

I stay up every night and I wonder how we're going to afford to send our son to college.

I wonder, if we do move back, how we're going replace the things we sold for this "grand adventure"- the second car, the washer/dryer, our mattress.

I wonder if I should be supporting my family.

My husband insists that I AM making a contribution. Of course, this was upon coming home to a happy boy and night two of my "holiday trial runs".

(If you care to know, tonight it was roasted lamb with ciabatta stuffing, delicious Jerusalem artichokes, and cranberry jelly. A bit posh for po' folk, but I'll give up Christmas before I'll give up cooking.)

I know we're not the only ones faced with financial woes. Nearly everyday, I hear or read about someone else in more dire situations than us.

When I do, I feel selfish for complaining about my life losing a bit of its glamour and complacency, but I can't help wondering where we would be if I had made different choices.

Just What You Needed. Career Advice From a SAHM Complete With Off-Season Baseball References

Last week, when I (heavy sigh, dramatic pause) told my expat friends that I may be leaving London sooner than we had hoped, all of them marveled at how I could just stand there and calmly explain everything to them.

To tell you the truth, I marveled too.

It's one thing to live in uncertainty. It's quite another to tell people about it-- hearing my voice form each word and having the same questions that keep me up at night echoed back...

It simply makes it all too real.

I even hesitated to post about it, but your hugs and well wishes, much like theirs, have been a tremendous source of support the last few days. Thank you! Thank you!

My husband, just as resourceful as ever, has been tapping into his contacts, which isn't that hard since he just did it... oh, six...seven months ago, so we ARE hoping for the best... even if it means moving... UH-gain. Bah!

There's one "big name" studio that's been very interested, or so we thought until he interviewed...

Without giving anything too much away, it turned out to be a total joke. While I didn't get that far in my career, there's a certain point when your resume speaks for itself and BS questions like...

"If you lived on an island inhabited by dinosaurs that ate sheep, what's your favorite color and why?"

...are a total waste of your time and theirs.

(Okay, so that wasn't the exact question, but it's very similar and just as pertinent to his field, which is computer graphics, not zoo keeper at Jurassic Park.)

STRIKE ONE.

To prove my point, a few nights later, a follow-up call came from them APOLOGIZING for the last interview being so insipid.

Whichever color my husband chose, it was the right one, because they were also calling to ask if he would consider talking to them again--a "real" interview this time...with knowledgeable members of the team offering serious questions and meaningful dialogue.

Imagine that?!

They went on to implore that Hubby really, really consider them because...

"It's a really great company to work for..."

(Yeah, they really seem to have their act together...)

"We offer breakfast and lunch to our employees..."

(I may not have worked for very long, but I did work long enough to know that this is code for "you will live at the office")

"We really promote work-life balance, very family-friendly. We offer "movie nights" once a week and lots of family events throughout the year..."

(Great, but will that be the ONLY time he will see his family?)

(Furthermore, if you have to use mythical words like "work-life balance", you probably aren't...)

The hilarity is there hasn't been any talk of salary or benefits at this point...

No discussion of the team he'll be working with, or the projects...

Definitely no relocation package to consider...

As far as everyone's concerned, there hasn't even been an interview yet and they are already peeing all over themselves trying to convince my husband (and me) that it's even worth talking to them...

Yeah. Steeee- rike TWO!

Plus the studio is located in our least favorite place to live, but it's not entirely out of the question. Nothing is, at the moment.

Eagerly waiting for the next pitch...

We interrupt this regular suburban life to bring you....

So, I've done a lot of whining (and not much else around here) this past week, but only because I couldn't write about all the stuff that's really been happening...

Stuff that I was sitting on because things weren't quite finalized until now, but I've been incredibly pre-occupied with nonetheless...

Stuff that, as much as I really, really, really wanted to blog about it, I just didn't think I should until I had a chance to tell my "real life" peeps (because you know how I am about that) and I didn't want to tell anyone until things were set and well...

Okay, here goes...

Hubby just accepted a job in London and we're moving!!!

(Yeah! I know, right?)

Oh my goodness, where to begin?

First of all, it's a job with a visual effects company that's been courting Hubby for a while. They would call and send him e-mails every so often to see how he's doing... see if he wanted to pick up everything, hop "across the pond", and take a job with them...

Of course, he was always gainfully employed at the time, not to mention comfortably well established with a house, two cars, friends and family in the Dallas 'burbs.

Each time they contacted him, we would throw our heads back and laugh, saying, "Oh ha-ha, wouldn't it be CRAZY and RIDICULOUS and FUN to just pick up and live in London for a while" ...and never mean it.

Well, when they found out Hubby was on the market again, they did not hesitate in grabbing him up quickly. They gave us about a day to consider their offer, but we had already made up our minds at that point...

High tea and the Queen, it is!

I know it’s a little nuts, but it’s simply an opportunity he just could NOT pass up. Not only will he be doing the work that he’s always wanted, this new position will give him a chance to work with world-class artists and advance in his field… and not to mention a fabulous ADVENTURE for our family.

He doesn't start work until his visa clears, which should take about a month. My son and I plan to follow as soon as the house sells.

In the meantime, we're in the process of downsizing and figuring out what to take/store/sell. Not an easy process as Hubby and I both like to hoard and are apparently highly sentimental about stuff the other one views as junk... (Oops, did I just type that?)

As you can imagine, our house looks like a giant rummage sale at the moment, and their hasn't been a decent meal cooked since this all went down. I'm not even sure if my son has been taking his daily Flintstones vitamin or wearing matching socks anymore.

It's as if wild and irresponsible people suddenly took over the running of my household.

This Bites

So, I got an e-mail from my other sister-in-law announcing that she and my brother-in-law are expecting baby number three. The e-mail also stated, "yes, it was planned" and "no, she has not been feeling fine"...

While not nearly to the level of obnoxiousness as my hateful little conversation with a "Sister-in-law A", it just adds to the feeling that everyone else's life has it goin' on while ours sinks further in the dumps.

First, there's Hubby's recent job loss, then the matter of the lousy unemployment benefits, the sick toddler, and... oh yes, the horrible pain of my wisdom teeth disrupting my otherwise peachy existence...

On the bright side, my oral surgeon father-in-law has graciously offered to extract my wisdom teeth at the "family and friends" discount of no cost at all. The catch is we have to drive to Oklahoma to his office and stay with them for a bit while I recover, but that won't be too bad.

I do have some reservations about being left alone with my father-in-law while being put under with the gas (or "truth serum", as he calls it). According to him, people tend to let loose and go on and on about stuff you know they would never in their right minds say to another soul.

He says he's used it, but he's never had ME for a patient...

My father-in-law is all right, but I had to warn Hubby that I harbor quite a bit of... um, shall we say, unkind feelings towards some his other family members. (gee, I wonder why.) I just make a conscious effort NOT to act upon it. However, it's still right there... just beneath the surface.... just waiting for an oppertunity to come out.

Oh, and I use the f-word a lot in my head.

Grass Greener?

Yesterday, my sister-in-law called to "check up on us". She had heard the news about Hubby losing his job, but I'm not sure if she was calling to commiserate or rub in it...

I filled her in on the basics, but after the hundredth time of repeating them, I just didn't have the heart to go over the details. I also left out most of the big parts like...

... finding out the unemployment benefits that we were naively counting on to see us through because everyone we knew said would be so freakin' awesome (like "70% of Hubby's previous salary" awesome) will barely cover groceries for a week. That's NOT 70%... Boo! Hiss! Texas.

On top of that, they get still get taxed... federally. Um, Insult, meet Injury.

... finding out that the toothache that I thought was merely stress-related is actually my wisdom teeth coming in about 10 years too late and a week before we lose all of our health insurance.

No, we can't even afford COBRA (see above). At least, the dentist prescribed some beautiful painkillers until they can be removed.

Of course, once I took one of the beautiful painkillers and was lying in bed happily stress-free, my husband comes in to tell me that our son spiked a fever. Again, no health insurance in a week, but at least for this one, I can call my mom.

Basically, all of the parts that I don't really care to discuss with anyone right now, so I casually changed the subject and asked how they were doing... big mistake.

My brother-in-law (Hubby's youngest brother) has just accepted a wonderful new job. It's a great opportunity that pays double the salary and apparently offers endless growth. She'll get to stay home with the kids like she claims to have always wanted. However, it also means that they will have to move.

Yeah, moving sucks, but you would think that this would still be really, really exciting for her...

Nope. Not her.

After throwing a big hairy hiss about having to move... wait for it, wait for it... a messily hour away for this fabulous, lucrative job, she told me that she only conceded after he PROMISED that they never... ever...move... again.

She also gloated informed me that his salary was only "going to get better year after year" (i.e. they never have to worry about money again) and they fully expect to get three times what they paid for their house in selling it.

In light of our current circumstances, it's difficult NOT to be jealous hearing all this... even if that last part was just plain petty and hurtful.

I didn't feel the need to disclose to her our highly tentative plans of moving wherever Hubby's next career move lands us, whether it be across the country and across the globe....

Knowing how she reacted to moving across their home state of Oklahoma, I didn't really think she would be very supportive anyhow.

That, and quite frankly, I had had enough of talking to her.

My sister-in-law isn't entirely short-sighted, self-centered, and insensitive. She did offer me some words of comfort... I think.

"At least I only have the ONE kid... ", she told me, whatever the hell that was supposed to mean...

Our New To Do List

No time to be sad,

We've got many things to do.
Like do "hide-and-seek".

Run around outside,
and other big boy stuff like
playing catch the ball!

Today, we're going
to the ZOO! How great is that!
Hope it doesn't rain....

Com'on Dad! Mom, too!
I like having you at home.
Birthday wish come true!

Umm, did I mention to you that my son is happy to have BOTH of his parents at home all day? Scratch that. He is OVER THE MOON GA-GA about it. The tyke wakes up all smiles everyday and all the time. He loves playing with Mommy and Daddy.... all...day...long.

We have been joking that Hubby losing his job all of a sudden was our son's super secret birthday wish come true.

I just knew he blew out those candles a little too well...

The kid obviously doesn't know what it really means when Daddy and Mommy both unemployed and I don't plan on explaining it to him anytime soon. He's two. All he knows is that...

1. ....there's always a playmate!
   
2. ...with all of his activities cut, we're to-ge-ther... all... the... time. Bonus!
   
3. No more going out to eat means no more strange high chairs and being on best behavior
4. No more shopping for Mommy means no more sitting in carts for hours on end
   
5. ... No more dressing rooms
6. ... No more "We'll leave in a sec, Honey"
   
7. ... No more "just browsing"

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Being a kid is so much FUN!

Spreading the News...

Thank you for all of your words of encouragement and support in response to my last post! You guys are the best-est Internet bloggy friends ever.

Not a lot of people in my "real" life know that I write this blog. I like it that way, since they make good blog fodder and I can talk smack about them all I want.

Since there are a few close friends who know about, and to my shock, actually read my blog (Hi, guys!), I jotted a quick note apprising them of the situation before I posted the other day...

I'm not clear on what the proper etiquette is in this type of situation, but I'm sure first hearing about your friend's firing on his wife's blog (as opposed to hearing it directly) is a bit off-putting.

It's not exactly the kind of news you gleefully shout from the rooftops. On the other hand, it's also not the kind of news you "hide and don't tell anyone about" either, only to have it gossiped behind your back. That makes it seem like you're embarrassed by it, which we aren't.

It felt too awkward to personally call and tell everyone about it. Plus neither of us was in the mood to rehash the story over and over again, so I opted to send a quick and simple e-mail.

Just as crass, perhaps? Oh well.

I say that it is was a "quick note," but it really wasn't. I actually thought long and hard about how exactly to word it. I mean, we want our friends to know what's going on, but in a way that didn't beg for forced sympathy or drama. (Besides, I'm more comfortable with sarcasm and jabs anyway.)

We know a couple that sends "poor us" e-mails for every little thing and I'm sorry, but it is uh-nnoy-ing. We didn't to be those people, but we also don't want to hide the truth either. Your husband being fired when you're a SAHM does suck A LOT and, there's no way to sugar-coat and cherry-top that.

After a night of letting things marinate (and allowing the initial shock to wear off), we were actually okay with it by the time I was ready to send my note. Hubby took some time to process and lick his wounds, but he woke up early the next day and started updating his resume, filing unemployment, and researching companies. (whew-hew!) Turns out he has a lot of great contacts in his industry and some reliable leads, so we're really excited about the opportunities this opens up.

As for our son, he is absolutely THRILLED to have not one, but TWO stay-at-home parents. Good. Hopefully, he won't notice when we have to cut Mom's Day Out and Gymboree out of his schedule...

It took a few tries to write that e-mail to our friends, but I eventually come up with something light-hearted, to the point, and funny... or at least I thought so. Hopefully, they did too.

Their responses and phone calls were all very supportive and encouraging as well. They're the best, too!

Yesterday

When I heard my cell phone ring, I figured it was just my husband checking on us. It was around one in the afternoon, so he must have just finished his lunch, just as we were finishing up ours. So, my hands were full at that moment.

When he called again two minutes later, I thought he was just being a pain. Nothing could have prepared me for what he has to say when I picked up...

"I've just been fired."

Those words lingered in the digital eather as my world spun out of control. Just a little.

Just that morning I razzed him for running late to work... again. We talked about being home for dinner and buying some more memory for our computers. Two days before, we were talking to our best friends about their upcoming wedding in Santorini and what we were planning to wear to it. We also had that same worn-out debate about buying a new house- should we, shouldn't we.

I had to mail one last thank you card for a belated birthday gift to our son. I planned to take him to pick out his very own potty chair after his nap. I just took him to get yet another over-priced haircut at that kiddie salon in anticipation of doing his two-year-old portraits this week. Hubby and I have reservations at a swanky new restaurant this coming weekend. My parents are baby-sitting.

These were just a few of the things that became a blur right then and there, as I held my breath and patiently waited for Huddy to tell me their reasoning. Not that they are legally required to provide one, and they didn't.

None of this made any sense. It seems that spite of killing himself (figuratively) to make their ridiculous deadlines, all sorts of glowing praise from immediate co-workers, and a generally cheerful attitude, they let him go with little more explanation than, "Eh, we just felt like it." (paraphrased)

Once my son had gone down for his nap, I was stunned by the horrible sinking feeling. I wanted to cry, but didn't, knowing it just wouldn't do any good. Come to think if it, I really didn't know what I was supposed to do.

Call our financial planner. Don't call our financial planner. Call my parents. No, don't call my parents. They'll just ask if we want to move in with them. Definitely, don't call the 'rents right now.... I settled on eating an entire bag of cookies leftover from my son's huge birthday bash. Oh God! the bill for his huge birthday bash?! I need more cookies...