Every Vote Counts... I guess.

My mom signed off her last email with the following:

Got to go; Sarah Palin is going to deliver her speech at the GOP convention. Hope you can vote for them there. If you're still a Democrat, don't bother to vote. Take care.

Mommy

We have a lovely relationship otherwise...

WFMW: It Never Hurt to Ask...

I'm a first time participant in WFMW...

I enjoy reading the entries each week. A few times, I've even wanted to jump in, but then I wondered, "Will they think my idea is dumb? dated? OBVIOUS?"

I would fret and fret and fret...

Next thing I know, it's Thursday and time to work on my haiku for Friday (which I haven't actually done in a while... eek!)

Well, something impressive happened the other day that I just had to share with the world, and it was all my dad's doing.

A few weeks ago, we had to rush my son to the children's hospital emergency room. He's had a history of allergies, skin eczema, and now... asthma.

He was having a bad attack, but thanks to my mom's connections he was treated immediately and recovered quickly. I paid my co-pay and took him home. We haven't had any issues since. (Thank God!)

I had finally put the entire terrifying experience out of mind when I received a bill from the hospital. I was completely clueless as our entire visit was supposed to be covered. There wasn't even a hospital stay and my mom was the referring physician...

Since my dad deals with medical insurance professionally, I turned it over to him and his assistant to contend with. He put in a call to sort out exactly what was (and wasn't) covered and it turns out the bill was, indeed, correct.

Then, he asked if they would offer me DISCOUNT if I paid the bill in full that day...

Wha? Seriously???

Yup. If you actually take the time to call, you too can get a 25% discount with Blue Cross/Blue Shield for services rendered. Bravo, Daddy!!!!

Try it out sometime. It works for me!

Tales from Home Shopping

I've told you before what home shopping junkies my parents are. They call their finds "economical" and "practical". I simply call them "compulsive" and "random". You never know what you'll find squirreled away all over the house...

For instance, I happened upon this item while rummaging under the stairs the other day...

I'm sure it's a brilliant invention and I'm sure it's revolutionized grilling as we know it, but I just wonder how much grilled chicken my two empty-nester parents go through to justify a whole "thingy-ma-bobber"...

Okay, so I DID move back in with them last week and I'm sure was all the justification they needed to make several new purchases yet to be discovered.

As if they need any excuse... just ask my mom's tacky funky collection of "diamonite" jewelry, the unopened boxes of SpaceBags, and their recently upgraded FoodSaver.

Oh, and of course, the Tony Little Gazelle....

All acquired when my sisters and I weren't looking and least suspected it.

This afternoon, while they were at work, I went ahead and blocked QVC...

Shhh!

Parenting Holiday

One of the benefits of staying at my parents' house is access to all of the *free* cable I could ever want...

We gave up paying for cable when we no longer had the attention span for long, leisurely afternoon TV marathons. Basically when we became parents...

"How can you live without cable?" our friends always ask us.

"We just do," we always say.

So anyway.... all the free cable I want, right? So, natuarally, I've been obsessing over Jon & Kate Plus 8. I LOVE this show!

Yeah. I know. I know. Umm, heee-llo. Where have you been?

I may have been living under a rock, but I think I've watched practically every episode in just one weekend. Like I said, obsessed!

I just can't decide if this show make me feel smug or inadequate as a mom. Okay, "smug" is the wrong word... but, definitely inadequate.

I mean, I've been feeling trampled by my ONE toddler lately. I can't even imagine SIX... I guess that's why they have a show on TLC and I don't.

My husband has been gone for over a week now, and even though my parents have been great, it just not the same. First of all, there are no rules at my parents' house- no bedtimes, no set mealtimes, and... again, cable 'til your eye fall out.

My parents play the role of indulgent grandparents very well... as is their right, but that leaves me to be the "bad cop"... all... the... time. I'm so much better at being the "good cop"...

Well, good cop or not, I'm big on predictable daily routines and schedules and I know all too well that my parents simply... are NOT.

I don't expect my parents to change for my sake. However, I would prefer if they weren't the ones yelling and screaming "No, no, no. Not yet..." when I announce it's time for bath, books, and bed...

So in spite of what critics (and random commenters) have to say about "Jon & Kate", I love this show because it's what parenting as teamwork is all about.

It's not pretty and sometimes, not particularly polite, but at least everyone's on the same page and I miss that.... A LOT.

Victory Is Mine

I'm back in the town where I grew up, living at my parents' house with my son like the unwed mother that I appear to be these days...

I had my reservation about moving back home. For one, I had sworn up and down that I would rather live in a pizza box under a bridge than live with my parents ever again. It was simply a matter a pride...

How quickly pride gives way to pragmatism when in a bind like suddenly having to sell your house and move overseas?

Well, that and my son is way too precious to live under a bridge.

Then there was the other night, when I was out past NINE and my dad called my cell to ask where I was, who I was with, and when was I coming home... It was just like being in high school all over again... except this time I have a kid, a Roth IRA, and unfortunately, a mortgage.

Turns out Dad was just making conversation rather than imposing a curfew... not that I ever minded the one I had in high school anyway.

So here I was feeling all secure in my adulthood, when blast from the past, I run into my old clique... at SuperTarget, of all places.

I rounded a corner with my son and I came face to face with the meanest, pettiest, bitchiest girls I've ever known in my entire life-- my lunch table crowd from high school.

They haven't changed one bit. In fact, they are all still hanging out together... just without me. In the intervening TEN years since high school, I must have missed the memo 'cuz apparently, we had a falling out which I was not only completely unaware of, but had not even noticed had occurred.

I guess that just goes to show how much fun they were to be around... even when we were the closest of "friends".

Still, I was genuinely happy to see them again, thinking that whatever went on in HIGH SCHOOL would be long forgotten as we connect over shared adult experiences and laugh at how silly we used to be...

Nope!

The chattiest of the bunch cooed over my son and quizzed me on "life in general", while the other two hung back and sized me up. Standing defensively with arms folded and offering little more than guarded, one-word responses, I could tell that they've been rehearsing this moment in their heads for the past ten years. They probably even practiced the cutting remarks they would say to me if ever they saw me again. Yet, they seemed caught completely off guard. I was too until they asked what I was up to...

"Oh I'm back living my parents," I offered unabashedly with a smile. I detected a slight smirk shared between them so I continued, "Well, for now... My husband recently took a job in LONDON. He's working there now, so I moved in with my parents while our house is on the market. I figured it will sell better without my toddler running around and me having to keep it clean by myself, you know. Haha! We'll be joining my husband there in a few weeks. He's looking for a house for us right now."

"Will you be working in London, too?" one asked.

"Oh my, No. I don't have to work. I plan to just hang out with this little guy and just enjoy living in London..." (Okay, that I totally didn't mean to say how it came out, but I was quite pleased anyway)

Floored, they quickly changed the subject and inquired about my best friend. They had heard she got married.

"Oh no. Not yet," I corrected, "not for another two weeks. Their wedding is going to be on an island in GREECE."

"Oh, I guess you won't be able to make it, huh?" another one sneered in fake sympathy.

"Oh no, I'm going to the wedding. Are you kidding? I won't miss that for the world!" I said realizing that I never even thought to invite them to mine...

"Well, look at you, Ms. Fancy-Pants World Traveler... London and Greece? That's so cool, but I guess that means probably won't be flying back for our class reunion this fall, huh?"

"Uhh.... No."

And, do you want to know what the best part was???

Getting to come home and tell my parents all about it...

Grief, In No Particular Order

When I first told my parents that Hubby was interviewing for his new job, my mom slipped into shock/denial right then and there...

"Mom, if all goes well with Hubby's interview tomorrow, we may be moving to London..."

"Oh. Well, before you go, could you return that skirt I gave you? I saw it in your closet--"

"Sure, but did you hear what I said?"

"I never see you wear it and I want it back."

"Okay, you can have it, but Mom--"

"I paid a lot of money for that skirt and--"

"MOM, SHUT ABOUT THE STUPID SKIRT. WE ARE MOVING TO LONDON..."

Then, there was the short-lived "bargaining phase" of suggesting that my son and I continue living here while Hubby lived over there until he decides if this is "really the job for him"... (umm, NO and yes, it is)

A few days later, they started making pithy remarks like, "This is not a time to be happy about anything." That same week, I decided to pack up the house early and move in with them once Hubby left to start working.

Call me crazy, but I just wasn't up for keeping the house immaculate and show-worthy, while still packing and taking care of my son all... by... myself.

Excited that we would be staying with them for a whole month before leaving for good, they perked up a bit. That is, until three days ago when my dad, who is usually the nicest guy in the world, went off on a passive aggressive tirade that quickly switched to a full on aggressive tirade about how we should have taken his advice on storing our furniture...

Even though it was a mere three days before we were set to move everything out of the house and there's nothing I could do about it, but whatever...

We both knew it wasn't really about the furniture, but it still ended badly.

My next door neighbor warned me this would happen, so I knew it was just a matter of time before they would get to the "anger stage" of their grief. I just hoped it would be after we left, and not right before I was to move out of my house and into theirs. I also especially hoped that they would take it out on someone else and not me during the most frazzled stages of this move.

He blew up. I blew up, then cried, called my sister, told her all about it, and cried again. This clearly wasn't the way I wanted to part ways with my family.

In general, my parents have been great through this entire process of packing and moving. They've been very supportive and super helpful-- coming over to help pack, bringing us meals, and such. They even positively insisted that we store the bulk of our things at their house to save money, so this wasn't the way they wanted to part ways either.

My mom called an hour later to smooth things over. She listened to my side of the story and offered to come over and help out anyway I needed.

Both of my parents showed up later that evening baring the two biggest suitcases I've ever seen in my life. They had stopped to buy them for us on their way over because apparently that is how my dad says "sorry".

Pointless Political Conversation with my Parents

Mom: Who are you voting for now?

Me: Barack Obama

Mom: WHAT! He's not a Republican.

Me: Nope

Dad: I will never vote Democrat. If a dog ran for the Republican party, I would vote for the dog.

Me: That's just because you like dogs.

Dad: I do like dogs.

No Senior Discounts for the Digital Age

My daily post is coming to you a tad bit late today, because my precious blogging time was taken away from me...

My parents were supposed to drop by around mid-morning. In preparation, I actually pulled myself out of my sick bed to organize and clean the house. My son begged to outside for our daily walk, but I said, "No, your grandparents will be here in any moment..."

Well, they weren't. Two hours went by and still no word from them...

I'm past thinking "what if something awful happened to them". In fact, I was hardly phased, since they're always late like this. I've asked them again and again to please, please, please call if they are going to be late, but they never do.

We just carried on as usual. My son went down for his nap without much fuss. I settled in to pay some bills, peruse the thousand or so blog that I keep up with... maybe even write my post for today when I heard a car pull up and a knock on my door.

Annoyed, I told them my son was asleep and they would have to WAIT until he wakes up ON HIS OWN to play with him.

"It's okay," they said, "We need your help with something anyway," and held up their digital camera and their laptop...

I love my parents dearly and am happy to help them with anything, but they are tech savvy like I have five heads.... which is to say, not even close. This was definitely not going to be some quick Q and A.

I've been working with them for years on excruciatingly basic concepts like "double-clicking" and "opening a Word doc". My dad is good natured and pretty easy to teach, provided I write everything down for him afterwards. I can handle that. My mom, on the other hand... Oy!

Stubborn, willful, and argumentative... and she doesn't believe anything I tell her. She requires diagrams of directory structures and lengthy explanations of concepts on which I'm pretty hazy on as well. Somehow, we've managed to make progress and she's all about her e-mail...

Of course, she does still call to ask if I got her e-mail, only to reiterate what she wrote to me over the phone...

Today's lesson was burning photo files on CDs. I've already taught them how to get photos off their digital camera. However, attaching photos to e-mails proved a bit too complex, so now they've asked that I help them make photo CDs to (snail) mail to people. We're talking different people from different events, a different CD for each...

Oh-kay... So to simplify things, I suggested that we start by organizing their 543 photos into folders before choosing which ones to send. Baby steps. Baby steps...

I proceeded to spend the next five hours walking my mom through "cut and paste". FIVE HOURS.

So what am I grateful for today? That the day is over and they've gone home.

Are you ready for some in-laws?

My in-laws are visiting this weekend, which completely throws a monkey wrench into our plans...

Particularly, my plan for having a low-key (low-stress) weekend, but my mother-in-law positively insisted on seeing us before football season starts... Yes, football season.

Apparently, that means THIS weekend. While I have never planned anything around FOOTBALL SEASON, to each her own. At least, they're making the effort to visit us.

"Because if not, who knows when we'll get the chance to come down again..."

Who knows, indeed. Sometimes, ignorance truly is bliss...


photo by showstoppa

Dreams Built on the Foundation of Pyramid Schemes

My parents have a knack for being suckered into the most ridiculous stuff. I used to joke that if it's "as seen on tv", it can also be "seen at our house".

When I was still living at home, I made a point of blocking anything "home shopping"-related on their televisions. It didn't help...

They still managed to find whatever at their local Sam's Club or Bed, Bath, & Beyond, rave for a week, then forget all about it as they moved on the next obsession.

I considered it a harmless hobby until they decided to move on to bigger scams... like purchasing a TIME SHARE.

I could tell it was an impulse purchase immediately by the giddy, feverish, high-pitched tone my mom used to defend... er, tell me all about it. She was talking so fast that it was as if she expected me to argue with her.

Well, I didn't. Nor, did I tell her how stupid timeshares are or that they're probably the worst investment (if you can even call it an "investment") you could possibly make. I didn't tell her how this particular offer was clearly a scam or that "but all our friends have one" is not a valid excuse to blow thousands of dollars on a whim...

I just tried to quietly and calmly come to terms with the fact that my parents really have become those frail elderly people destined to lose their life saving and all of their worldly possessions to con-artists and one day... OH MY GOD, THEY'LL BE LIVING WITH ME!

Just as I was girding myself for the future, my dad called to tell me about the latest in what I call "dreams built on the foundation of pyramid schemes".

He wanted to let me know that he passed along MY name and number to a colleague with "an opportunity" for me. Not only has their little pastime escalated, now they're trying to suck me into it. Well, I'm not going quietly...

From what I could tell, the "opportunity" entailed posing as a travel agent booking trips on legitimate online travel companies and charging the customer an added premium, then suckering others to do the same, hence the pyramid scheme...

It so happens I used to work for one of these legitimate online travel companies and I know for a fact that doing this is WRONG.

One of the representatives called to discuss this "opportunity" with me during dinner tonight. After she glossed over her company's shenanigans, I informed her about my "conflict of interest" (interest in not going to jail) and asked to taken off her list. She keep insisting that this was not a telemarketer call. Suffice it to say, the conversations didn't go well...

Me: Furthermore, what list did you get my name from?

Rep: Oh, it wasn't a list. A reliable source gave me your name and number. I was told to call you...

Me: So, are you aware that what your company is doing is probably illegal?

Rep: (silence)

Me: "I'm sorry, but could you repeat your company's name for me, again. I want to get it right when I report you to _____.com's legal department."

Rep: "You can threaten all you want, but I know what I'm doing isn't ILLEGAL"

Me: "K, but I'm not the one being defensive about it. And please take me off your list."

Rep: "IT'S NOT A LIST!"

photo by Michael_L

I'm a bad daughter-in-law

When my husband announced that his parents were looking for a weekend to visit us, my knee JERK response was, "WHY? Were their other grandchildren busy?"

My husband was still on the phone with his dad at the time and I'm pretty sure he heard me LOUD and CLEAR, which I only half regret...

Yes, I'm still miffed that my son's grandparents show obvious preferential treatment towards their other grandchildren. So miffed, that I haven't gone back to visit all summer... nor have I bothered to call them. They're my husband's folks. He can call them.

I realize that I'm not their favorite daughter-in-law and with bad behavior and snide comments like that, I really don't blame them, but it's another thing entirely when you take my kid for granted.

I applauded them for their efforts, but seriously... you could count the times they've paid my son a visit on ONE HAND. For people who make an annual trip to Dallas for a football game in the fall and come down for spa days and conferences throughout the year... That's pretty bad.

We Get The Hint And No Thanks

We received a dinner invitation for this weekend, but I was feeling super lazy about taking my son to a restaurant. Especially since I seem to be doing it a lot recently.

Having to chop up and pack all of my son's food along with his place mats, bibs, wipes, and spoons beforehand, only for it to end up on the restaurant floor gets tiresome. He usually takes more of an interest in MY food anyway, demanding bites of my sandwich or insisting that he dip his spoon in my soup...

Naturally, I'm less apologetic and more comfortable dining out with certain friends, mostly other couples with babies. People that UNDERSTAND or don't seem to mind the destruction happening before them.

Where two or more babies are gathered... screaming, chaos, and mess is sure to ensue. Conversation, or rather our piecemeal attempts at conversion, is greatly dependant (diminished) upon the mood of our tiny dining companions. I'm lucky that once our son's fancy is indulged, he's usually content to continue quietly playing with his bowl and spoon. Although he has his moments, my son is generally calm and well behaved during meals.

While the friends who invited us to dinner this weekend don't have children of their own, they seemed okay with including our son. We had already agreed to going, but I was a bit slack about getting back to them about finalizing the details. In the interim, they went ahead and made alternate plans with another couple we know... you know, just in case we NEVER call back.

Okay, so we never NEVER call back and I find that to be a trife rude, but whatever....

They had planned a night of (heavy) drinking at a place that serves something called a "Blow Torch", followed by a movie. Since it obviously wasn't baby-friendly and too late for us to get a sitter anyway, we politely declined. The other couple have a child about our son's age, but they were planning to leave him at a daycare.

"We hope it wasn't because we invited that other couple to join us," my friend weakly inquired.

I wasn't because they invited the other couple. It was because I didn't want to hear another thinly veiled "hint" from them about how "you know, we leave our son with an hourly drop-in daycare when we go out and he really, really, really likes it..." (implied: why don't you do the same ?)

I know it's aggravating to take our kids out with us. Sure, it limits where we can go and how long we can stay.... Sometimes, we have to go out again just to rehash the conversation we tried to have the last time we had dinner together...

Still, dealing with all that it still better than leaving my toddler with a stranger. I guess I just have a silly little quirk about needing to know and trust the people who I leave to care for my child. While it think it's fine and dandy that they found something that works for them, I don't feel comfortable leaving my son with someone he hardly knows... Hell, that WE hardly know!

My husband and I fully admit to being overprotective and paranoid, but I think we have every right to be considering the kind of world we live in. I have heard enough personal accounts from my mom (the pediatrician) and my sister (the former daycare worker, nanny, and school teacher) to know what comes from not trusting your parental instincts. Plus, I know what happens at daycare centers, even the "good ones"... not good.

It's not that I don't like leaving my son with other people. He stays with my parents or my sisters fairly often when we need a break, a date night, or simply to run an errand best run without him. I've never left my son with a paid sitter, because I haven't had to... Fortunately, my family is more than willing to help out whenever they can.

All I ask is a decent amount of time to plan ahead... and perhaps that you don't blow me off and make alternate plans the morning of when you could have simply called me to confirm. You know, the funny thing about the phone is that it works both ways.

What the hell

Why the hell is everyone so concerned about my son walking or not?

Yeeeesss, he took his first steps weeks ago and has tried walking on his own a few more times since, but the boy still prefers to cruise and crawl. We are okay with that.

Yeeeesss, it's annoying when people ask me about it, but I'm used it. I just tell them the truth and move on. Our friends with toddlers respond either with, "Oh, don't worry about it. It'll happen" or "Ohhhh, it's all over when they walk. You don't want that! "

Well, I DO want my kid to feel confident about walking on his own, but the point is I'm just not that concerned about it. I just wish other people wouldn't be either.

This past weekend my son stayed with my parents and, determined to "teach him how to walk", they confined him to a baby walker, which you won't find in many stores anymore BECAUSE THEY ARE DANGEROUS. My mom actually found it at a second hand store and knowing full well how I felt about them, bought it anyway.

Sometimes it's not worth the free babysitting. You get what you pay for....

----------------------------------------

Updated 6/28: My parents returned the walker upon my request and we since "gotten over it". I still have to remind them to put up the baby gate and secure their kitchen cabinets... like the ones with medicine and cleaning solutions, but at least they're complying with my wishes.

We're good again.

Where Grass Grows and Maddness Breeds

The visit to the in-laws was NOT THAT BAD. Sure, we survived (barely) and there weren't any big blow ups, just plenty of little maddening incidents. Here are the highlights, because you know I could go on and on and on about them...

My in-laws have a GORGEOUS new house! The kitchen was straight out of the space age and everything was as stylish as it is well-appointed. On every single surface was some sort of architectural and decorative CRAP... er, accent-- whimsical, but highly-breakable/potentially-deadly objects such as three-foot glass cylinders, metal spires, giant glass bowls on precarious stands, pointy wooden sculptures, and the like...

Great for Architectural Digest, not so great for grandchildren under five, of which they have FIVE.

Determined to be the "fun grandparent", my mother-in-law (MIL) was quick to set the ground rules. Actaully, there was only one and it was for me. She kept saying she doesn't want her house to be a "House of No" (whatever THAT means). If there's something that may be dangerous to the kiddos, instead of saying "no, don't touch", we'll just put it away as needed...

Um, you might as well put it ALL away... RIGHT NOW.

Naturally, there were quite a few "new house kinks" that had to worked out like figuring out how to load the dishwasher (which apparently I did wrong) and the lack of proper ventilation in our room. I later discovered that it was because the AC vent was on the floor, under a nightstand and behind a curtain... Good planning!

My MIL kept asking to let her know if there is ANYthing our room was missing or that she should get before we visit again. When I would suggest something like... "well, that bathroom could use a trash can", she get in a huff and say, "you know, we just moved in. We can't have everything..." THEN, WHY DID YOU ASK, Crazy Lady ?!

As you many recall, the purpose of my visit was to see my sister-in-law (SIL) however briefly and help out with my niece and nephew she while she stayed with some friends. I got into town a few hours before they did, so that my son could spend some quality one-on-one time with his grandparents before chaos ensured, which was nice.

Once everyone else arrive, it was indeed pure chaos. I couldn't tell whether or not my MIL was miffed about us "encroaching "on her alone time with her other grandchildren. It didn't really matter since early into their visit they were already starting to get to her...

While they were pretty obedient with me, the kids wouldn't talk to their grandmother and they really wouldn't listen to her. Although if my MIL constantly addressed me in that saccharine shrill, I probably would ignore and/or run away from her too...

If they weren't plotting in whispers and secret or hiding, there were fighting. My SIL wasn't even out the door when my niece and nephew started yelling, "he's looking at me"..."she's fibbing"..."he's not sharing"... I actually mouthed "just go" to her as our MIL ran upstairs to ease the commotion.

The rest of the day I tried to help out where I could, but it was clear that my MIL wanted to do everything by herself. Fine with me. The kids and I just watched some workers lay new sod in the backyard, while my MIL worked herself into a tizzy. Yes, I literally watched grass grow in Oklahoma. Ye-haw!

In the meantime, MIL became OBSESSED with making tortilla strips for taco soup which she also insisted on making SPECIFICALLY for my other SIL, the very pick-eater. (The rest of us would be eating lasagna and garlic bread for dinner.) The process of making tortilla strips took her FOUR hours to accomplish because she kept losing track of what she was doing... oh, yes and all five of her grandchildren were running around her new house- banging into walls, emptying cupboards and drawers, etc...

Oh-kay, so I have two problems with this situation: ONE, my SIL is a grown-ass woman in her thirties and should be well past that picky-eater/needs-a-separate-meal phase. If you don't like it, don't eat it. TWO, tortilla strips are readily available in grocery stores and the result wasn't worth the time it took...

Isn't that time better spent with the grandchildren that you "never" see?

...and what was the reward for all that toil and trouble, you ask. Nada. My SIL didn't even TOUCH the soup, opting instead to eat the lasagna with everyone else. The soup ended up burning, forgotten on the stove, and the tortilla strips were overdone and tasted like salty plastic...

My contribution to the meal was making garlic bread, which my MIL was sure to inform everyone that I "didn't put enough salt on".

Yesterday, I woke up to find my MIL flat on her back with an ice pack on the living room floor. The kids were playing in their jammies and waiting to be fed. Unable to get up, my MIL asked what they wanted to eat for breakfast from the floor and both of them ran away and hid from her.

Well, you know that they say about fish and visitors... so, that's went I decided it was time to head out and was on the road an hour later. A whole half day earlier than I said I would... (smirk)

...and so it begins

The minute irritations with visiting the in-laws (without my husband) started well before we left...

On Monday, I called my mother-in-law to get direction to the new house and ask her to pick up a few things for my son at the grocery store. We chatted for a while and she seemed genuinely excited to see us this week.

Especially since it turns out that my sister-in-law (Crunchy Munchy) that's coming from L.A. and leaving the kids with my in-laws for a few days while she goes to a baby shower somewhere else in Oklahoma (geezz, that's a lot of s'plainin') got her travel dates WRONG. She is actually going to be gone Thursday, Friday, and Saturday and not just on Friday and Saturday as originally planned...

For my mother-in-law, who is still living out of boxes, it seems that EXTRA day was enough to drive her EXTRA nuts and she thanked profusely me for being there to help.

By Tuesday morning, I got a call from the other sister-in-law (Make-it-Easy Mom), who wanted to let me know that, off the phone, my mother-in-law is STILL harping about me infringing on her time with her L.A. grandchildren that she never, ever sees...whaw! This is in spite of countless "oh I'm so excited you're coming to visit"...

Umm... I think if you can afford to special order (then ship) your new front door directly from China for your newly-built, custom-designed home, you can afford a few rinky-dink plane tickets on coach to see your grandchildren...

You can also stop being two-faced and fake...

...and so it begins.

To my friend who left me a voicemail today

To my friend who left me a voicemail today,

Thank you for calling to cancel our play date this week... especially since I was just about to do the same, as I inadvertently double booked us this week and wouldn't have been able to make it anyway.

I'm sorry to hear that your son has a terrible fever and was cranky all day. I wish I could have personally offered my sympathies, but I probably couldn't hear the ringing of the telephone over the tantrum my son's been throwing ALL DAY LONG...

He refused to nap this afternoon and wouldn't eat or drink. He didn't even enjoy our trip to the grocery store like he usually does... It turns out he's teething again, poor little guy, and was just trying to tell me he was in a great deal of pain. I don't know if there's baby sign language for "#$%&* !!!"

Perhaps I missed your call when I was outside bidding my family "good-bye" after they dropped by (unexpectedly) on their way home from the airport. They were returning from a weekend in Cabo and wanted to show me the pictures they took of... oh well, the resort where they stayed... the timeshare they were swindled into purchased... and the destination wedding that they attended.

My mom, friend of the mother of the groom, had lots of catty things to say about the bride. Passed along by her new mother-in-law, no doubt. Did I mention that these are all people I do not know and do not care to hear catty things about? From what I could tell, it seemed like a nice wedding. Good for the Bride and Groom. As I told my mom, "It's their day. They can be anyway that they want to be..." but I digress.

Maybe I didn't hear the call-waiting beep when I was on the other line with my sister, who called to COMPLAIN about "having" to go to Mexico for the weekend on our parents' dime. Apparently, she's over the whole "family vacation thing" (i.e. hasn't been supporting herself in the real world long enough to appreciate a completely free, non-work related, no-strings-attached, honest-to-goodness VA-CA-TION! ). She didn't even attend the wedding. She was there purely on leisure (!!!)

(sigh!) I wish I could go on vacation. I could really use one...

Could it be that you called this morning while I was at the local library's "Mother Goose Story Time"? It sucked by the way. Don't go.

The moderator was sooooo dull that the kids (and the grown ups) were bored to tears. Literally. Of the twelve kids that showed up, half were crying while the other half tried crawling away. The group ranged from one month to a year old. What a one month old needs with story time is beyond me. Shouldn't she have been home, avoiding germs?

Speaking of germs, dirty and chewed up hand bells were handed to each kid to jiggle along to a song, only to wind up in the kids' mouths as they probably have many times before... yet I can guarantee they've never seen the sunny side of a Lysol Wipe. I'm only a moderate germ-a-phob, but even I couldn't resist a good long soak in hand sanitizer after that. My son and I walked out before the "good bye" song... but unfortunately not in time get your call.

Also, I'm sorry I haven't returned your call yet. You see, I check my voicemail rather late in the day and was about to call back when I realized that it was time to make dinner. Then, my husband came home and wanted to vent about his day (more catty things about people I don't know). I listened attentively and patiently until it was time for the little guy's bath and bedtime. There were dirty dishes and a dirty kitchen floor... but, I blew that off to blog.

I'll call you tomorrow and ask how your son is doing. I promise. XOXO

Indirect and Confused. What a charm!

Earlier this week, my mother-in-law called to announce that they had successfully moved into their new house... and to APOLOGIZE for being so "vague" when she talked with me earlier about coming to visit.

She admitted to my husband (not me) that she was "intentionally being confusing" and "selfish" about my sister-in-law and her kids' upcoming visit, but she still "really, really, really wants" us to visit...

Oh-kay....and because hanging out with my sister-in-law and her kids for a few days is sufficiently worth braving the in-laws sans hubby, my son and I are going.

Also, their trip (and therefore our trip) is not for another week and a half and not next week as my mother-in-law had originally told me. So not only is she a task, she is also befuddled. Excellent.

I'll keep you posted on how it goes, of course.

What to make of this?

Let me start this with: I do not dislike my in-laws; I don't understand them...

Seriously, what would you make of this conversation?

The back story is that my sister-in-law and her two kids are flying from Los Angeles to visit my in-laws in Oklahoma in a few weeks. When they're in town, my husband, son, and I usually make the three-hour trip to see them in Oklahoma. This time, because their stay will be so short, it's supposed to be just me and my son making the drive during the middle week.

Me: Hey, I wanted to talk to you about SIL's and the kids' trip in a few weeks. We'd talked about us driving up there, but I was wondering if that will still work.

MIL: Well, we're moving in a few days so it'll depend on when we can have everything ready... So we're moving Monday, going out of town the weekend after for that wedding.... We get back, then it's one more day before they arrive...

Me: Okay. Well, we certainly don't want to be in the way. You can let me know if it won't work out... I was looking at our calendar and we have some things going on during that time. I just...

MIL: Can we just talk about it later? Like when they're already here.

Me: That's in two weeks. I have to make arrangements depending on what days we'll be away.

MIL: Okay, well, they get in at 11 pm on Wednesday SIL has to go to ___ for a baby shower and will be gone Friday night and Saturday night and I'm really looking forward to having the kids all to myself since I hardly get to see them... Then, they leave Tuesday.

Me: Well, we can come in on Sunday... er, maybe Monday and leave Tuesday.

MIL: Oh I don't know how worn out I'll be then.... It's not that we don't want you to come visit. We WANT you to visit us. You know you are ALWAYS WELCOME. I know SIL would really LIKE to see you and we would certainly LOVE to have you... You'll have a place to sleep for sure, but we may not be ready. Why don't you just call me when they're here already...

Me: All right.

AHHHHHH! For crying out loud, just TELL me what you want, Lady.

I talked to my husband about it, but asked that he not "intervene" this time. Every time he does in these types of situations, it tends to result in a complete emotional breakdown on the MIL end and she and I have to have a heart-to-heart and promise to "start over". We've "started over" eight times since I got engaged to her son... and I've only been married for two and a half years! Besides, I'm not due for another heart-to-heart with her until the Holidays...

I really just don't get her sometimes.

Would you stay or would you go?

Happy Mother's Day

I may be a great mom, but this Mother's Day I was a lousy daughter/ daughter-in-law. We were supposed to go out of town to visit my in-laws and planned to take my mother-in-law to a lovely brunch for Mother's Day.

My in-laws are currently residing at an extended stay inn as they wait for their house to be completed.

Why are my well-to-do in-laws doing living out of a pay-by-week establishment like common car thieves or drug dealers when they could have just stayed at their old house for a few more weeks, you ask... Just know that it's a long story that gets more and more ridiculous as time goes on and causes me to sigh loudly and throw my hands up in the air... not my family. not my family. not my family.

The last thing they needed was more stuff and since apparently they have been living on hot dogs lately, we figured that a nice brunch would be an appreciated gesture. Still, I pressed my husband for more gift ideas-- a scarf, a book, anything...

The best he came up with was PISTACHIOS! Yes, nuts... because they are her favorite snack and therefore must also make a great gift (?) I think he's nuts. Well, he was dead set on getting her a bag of pistachios.

Hey, it's his mom, right? Now do you understand why I insist on buying my own gifts? He certainly means well, but isn't that just typical?

Well, at the last minute, my husband decided that there was "too much on his plate" and he didn't "really feel like going" this weekend and that was Mother's Day Gift enough for me.

It's not that I didn't want to see my in-laws. We weren't going to have much time with them anyway, since we planned to arrive just in time for our niece's first birthday party, would be staying at a hotel that night, then leaving right after lunch the next day. In fact, I'm a little bummed out to miss the party.

It's that most of our friends knew we were heading out of town for the weekend, so it's totally been a weekend for me, me, me -- no e-mails, no phone calls, no previous commitments... Just time to relax and sleep in with my little family.

Unfortunately, my husband neglected to send the card I had purchased for his mom weeks ago...

"I was planning to give it to her in person. She'll understand," he says.

Well, I felt like a COMPLETE ASS when in the mail yesterday afternoon arrived a card and a check from his mom to me. It was strictly for me to spend on myself; not baby clothes, not toys, not playtime music. She knows me well...

Unlike my in-laws, my family is pretty lax on gift giving. We send cards every once in a while, but no one really expects it or stands on ceremony. With the exception of Christmas, we tend to buy stuff for one another as it is needed/wanted, not just because Hallmark Congress declared today "Mother's Day"...

Since I wasn't planning on seeing my parents this weekend, I knew my mom would just let me know when she thought of something she'd like. Hey, no judging. That's just the way we are and it works.

So here I am, on Mother's Day neither having bought a gift nor sent a card to either mother, but am surprisingly well-rested. Instead of changing out of my pajamas and fighting the crowds for some over-priced brunch, I sent my husband and son to get bagels and coffee, which I plan to eat in bed.

Happy Mother's Day... to me.

Photo by evissa

Won't you be my neighbor?

I don't think our next door neighbors like us very much...

They seem to be a lovely family, but whenever the dad sees me, he either scurries into his garage and SHUTS IT behind him or suddenly becomes very preoccupied with his manicured lawn.

He does not make eye contact.

He does not say more that two words to me.

He does not invite me into his home.

Sure, we've have tons of loud parties late into the night that we've never invited them to. Perhaps, I always get their kids' names wrong... Maybe a couple of times on trash day... when our bin was too full... I've snuck some of our trash into their bin... and yes, we are terrible about taking care of our yard, while they work on theirs every single Saturday and Sunday from March through October.

But, hey, shouldn't that make them happy? Our crappy lawn makes theirs look considerably nicer, right?

To further the divide, this family pays as much attention to their physical fitness as they do to lawn. The mom stays home just like me. When she's not volunteering at their kids school, she's out with the jogging stroller and her two older kids trailing behind her on bikes.

As for the dad... well, let's just say that our friends have dubbed him the "Bionic Man". Running shirtless through our neighborhood every evening, he can best be described as a taut Asian man with about 1% body fat. As he runs, you can literally see every muscle in his body flexing and contracting...

No, I'm not stalking him. It's just hard not to notice him running past while I sit my badonkadonk bootie on my front lawn eating Twizzlers and chocolate and playing my son...

Clearly, we are not... how you say? ah, yes. Simpatico with these people.

We've tried to tell our friends all this and more, but they still can't be convinced that we shouldn't be their new neighbors. You see, they just bought a new home and are totally jonesing for us to move into the one to the left that's just about to go on the market...

"We can tear down the fence and have one big mega-yard," they plead.

"No, no, no," we say, "you don't understand... we are really, really, REALLY awful neighbors."

"But we just want to live next door to people we like," they say, "and we like you."

"You won't for long," we respond.

Even my parents are telling us it's a baaaaaad idea. They live a block away from their best friends, so they know what they're talking about...

At least, I still think they're still best friends... I haven't heard much about them lately. hmmm

When they first moved it, my parents enjoyed the novelty of it all. My dad would ride his bike down there and back multiple times a day to borrow and return this and that. My mom would cook large meals and drop off half of it at their house. Apparently, they went out of too much for my mom's liking and she decided to "help" them be healthier.

My mom even helps them with decorating their house... Sure she was a little miffed when they didn't change the blueprints based on her "suggestions", but she got over it... eventually.

Whenever she sees a comforter or throw pillows that would go just grand in their new home, she calls them immediately... and then calls again to make sure they got it... and again, to ask to come by and see it in their house. Not because she doesn't believe them, but to confirm that she was right about it matching...

I know it sounds strange, but I would actually love to live next door to my parents. I just think it would be so delightful to just run over there when I get lonely during the day or drop off my son so I can do mundane things like grocery shop in peace... but, my husband won't hear of it.

He keeps muttering things about "Everybody Loves Raymond" and "being too close to the crazy"...

At least I would know that my neighbors liked us whether or not we mowed the lawn. In fact, they'd probably do it for us and what's not to love about that?